How can I find my passion?

Was talking with two friends - one online, and the other offline - just now at HQ. We talked about our passions and what our strengths were.

To S.: Encouraged by your sharing. :) Sorry if I talked too long... :P it's one weakness of mine. Can really learn from how you listen! =)

*******
After that time at HQ, realised that I went and fell into one old weakness again. Felt guilty and ashamed because of that. All too often I am preachy, not understanding and impatient. And I'm reminded - self-pity too! How many people have to bear with my overbearing spirit! So went into the loo and prayed in the Spirit.

Really thank God for how He comforts and encourages me everytime I feel so guilty and ashamed of all the wrong things I've done, the weaknesses that I struggle with. Was reminded of what I learnt in one sermon - Alan Tea's sermon I think: "God thinks the best of us regardless of what we think of ourselves."

Wah... it's always such a comfort and encouragement. Kept praying in the Spirit... one thing I love about praying in the Spirit is that the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

It's so true. At that point in time, I really don't know what to say - the accusations that I hear in my mind are true - I have this weakness, this sin that I struggle with... all of the accuser's claims are true. And I don't know what to say.

But thank God so much! We have One who speaks to the Father in our defence - Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. Even though the accusations are all true, Jesus steps up, and intercedes for me. He is at the right hand of the throne of God, and is constantly interceding for us. "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?"

So when I prayed in the Spirit, somehow He helped sort out my mind, and encouraged me that all is not lost. He guided my prayers, and enabled me to think more towards the truth. "But we have the mind of Christ."

I always treasure all these times when He picks me up again, and sets my mind back on the right track. To think more and more like Christ... to act more and more like Christ... to be more and more like Christ - that is my heart's dream and desire!!!

Waves of mercy, waves of grace
Everywhere I go I see Your face
Your love has captured me
Oh my God this love, how can it be?

*******
So after praying, thought about this question: How can I find my passion? How do I realise what I was truly created to do?

Think just want to expand on what I shared with Shuyi. Feel free to contribute or correct me if you think I got something wrong or left something out - want to hear from you!

PASSION
Was thinking. How can one discover what you are truly good at? Think it's this: Any kind of work that you feel a lot of pleasure and joy in doing. Now, no stupid jokes here please. I'm talking more along the lines of purposeful work. But not just that, you love the work for its own sake. From the Christian's perspective - you feel God's pleasure when you do it.

Like Eric Liddell said in Chariots of Fire: “I believe that God made me for a purpose. And He also made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure.”

Here's a missionary who knew God's true calling on his life. To obey Christ's Great Commission as a missionary, but not only that. He lived out God's pleasure in his life. Purpose and Pleasure... we can't separate these two elements from our lives.

There's this old Hasidic Jewish tradition that says that a man should put one stone in his right pocket, and another stone in his left pocket. Written on one stone is: You are just one grain out of billions upon billions of grains of sand in this universe. And the other stone says: I made this universe especially for you."

*******
I'm thinking about Ruey Fong here. He's a brother who really sets an example for me in finding joy in his work. He clearly knows what God made him as - as someone who really enjoys solving problems and has a quick brain for finding out the answers. So that's why he's working as an engineer.

We really can't put on false humility and say that I don't have much strength. True, to whom much is given, much is expected, and as someone exclaimed - to others LITTLE is given!

But the "little" that is given to some is, like, ten million bucks. That is the SHEER GOODNESS OF GOD!!! His "little" is incredibly BIG. Every human has the potential to make a difference. A Down's Syndrome kid? He can impact one life with God's love. I should know - I'm one of those who have been impacted by a young man with Down's Syndrome. And God knows how many "smart" people out there have NOT made a good impact as they should have. They waste, they fritter... I wonder how God's heart burns when He sees their lives and talents being wasted away.

And I think about how He sees me. Oh God. I think it's a good thing that I can't always feel how He sees me. I think I would ... drop dead, so great is His heart and feelings for me. Especially when I grieve His Spirit.

How can one sense His pleasure? Maybe when we humbly recognise and acknowledge the good things He has given us. When we love to do these things alone, by ourselves, with only Daddy as our witness, our audience.

It's that smell of pleasure when you bake an excellent cake, and you can FEEL Him right next to you, smelling together with you - "a fragrant aroma, pleasing to the Lord".

It's that exhilaration that you feel when you run a race and finish it.

It's that sense of victory when you lead a group to victory.

It's that thrill that runs up and down your spine when you write a beautiful poem.

It's that joy that quivers in your very being when you dance.

It's that smile in your heart when you see little children running up to you.

Maybe you're not the best dancer on the planet. Maybe you're not the best writer in the world. Maybe you're not the finest artist this side of the earth. Maybe.

But don't limit God by what you see right now.

The thing is, if you feel this thrill, this divine pleasure in your heart, and others (those you know who are wiser and more mature) can see that you are really good in doing it - why! this might be how God made you to be.

But there is also the brutal honesty needed, as Ps Jeff said in his sermon. Hmm... actually, think this is one of my weak points too. I often think so highly of myself that I don't think of myself with sober judgement as I should. One thing was I thought myself good in making jokes last time. But thank God, He spoke through my old shep, who told me plainly that my jokes are not funny. That was embarrassing to hear, but wouldn't it be even more embarrassing if I didn't know? Thank God for him! =)

Sometime I think I think too much here. Actually, do I think too much? Or is it that I don't act with what I know to be right? Probably the third. Oh God. Settle my mind. It's going nuts.)

LIKES
Then what about things that you like to do, but aren't good in? E.g. I like singing, but duh, my singing is so bad, that when I sing, I'm sinning! (LOL...)

Well, think it's more like these things you like, are great channels, areas of common interests in which you can connect with other people. =)

Remembered what Hanhui told some of us last time. He's good at playing guitar and miming, but these aren't exactly his passion, just some things that he is good at. His real thrill and passion - if I remember it correctly - is teaching, especially the Bible. He's got a very powerful mind and can think well and analytically. He even wrote a complete thesis on arguments for and against the resurrection of Christ - and all for passion's sake! Wow.

EXPECTATIONS
Maybe, is it that we ARE good at some things, and we really enjoy doing them, but because we have unrealistic expectations, we think ourselves not good at these things, and so don't pursue or train these further?

I was thinking about two people that I read in the newspaper. There's this guy who took up dancing in his freshman year, and got laughed at. But he trained constantly, and now he's having the last laugh - God, look at his muscles and pose... he's clearly a divinely designed dancer! :)

And one of my friends, Eric Feng. I saw him in the news. Originally, he got booed off stage, but he really had a passion for public speaking. So he trained and trained... and I can say for sure that he really enjoys his work and is good at it. Thank God he didn't go into the IT sector!

So have to explore. Have to take risks. As the old saying goes, you'll never know how high you can fly until you try. And even if you can't fly high, you can fly just as well. There are the eagles that fly high and soar slowly. And there are the swift hawks, which dive with laser-precision. Then there are the sweet sparrows that flutter here and there. And the ostrich that can't fly - but by God, it can RUN!

Taking risks... I really need to take more risks. To try more things for Christ.

IMPACT (or as Ps Jeff put it, SIGNIFICANCE)
Fruit, significance? Thinking about what Huanyan wrote in his latest blog entry. HopeKids - something new I tried. Was scared, not sure how'd it turn out. But thank God so much, the kids are fond of me. It really warms my heart a lot. And I'm so grateful to God.

I remember how He guided me to this ministry by a series of events and promptings in my heart and my prayers and the 'go-ahead' from my brothers and sisters, esp Sijia and Peter. So many things to thank God for! :)

Fruit... for HopeKids, I see long-term fruits. :P Paiseh, but everytime I talk with someone about ministry to children, find myself really going on and on about this... oh God... that I could find someone else who shares this same heartbeat and burden I have for children.

Actually come to think of it, Shunrong told me he also wants to join HopeKids too! =D So encouraged! =D

Ok, back to the point. Fruit at work, significance... I think in future I'd like to run an orphanage as part of a social entrepreneurship programme? To help out with media awareness? Film about children - 'Home-Run' style? Drama? I dunno. But thank God for Lois (hi!) who suggested some possible jobs e.g. Disney? Front?
*******
Yup... just a whole lot of mental "diarrhoea" from me. But honestly, really need some advice on two aspects: (1) How can one find out his/her God-given talents? and (2) How can I combine my passion with work?

Tks!
YA