Saturday, December 18, 2010

There was a prophecy that my shepherd Kelvin prayed over me today during CG. He saw a picture of a book with many pages. And lots of paragraphs, that people are reading. And some are impacted by what they read, but others are not. The depressing thing was that there's quite a lot of paragraphs that could be better-written to be more impactful.

But the encouraging thing is that God is the one who will edit the paragraphs to make them more impactful. As Kelvin told me after the prophecy, it's not me who will do the growing. It's God! Well, I can do my part, but I can only make myself grow only a bit. It is God who will provide.

Two specific areas that he prayed prophetically for me (I hadn't shared with him about these areas before):

1. About my relationship with my parents. That God will help me bond closer with my parents, and grow more.

2. About my trust in God's provision. That I have already seen many times how He will provide, and He wants to reassure me that he will indeed take care of all my needs.

Initially, I felt very 'paiseh' actually when these two areas were prophesised, because they are accurate. And I felt I should be more faith-filled and not doubt, especially remembering how God has provided so dramatically for me many times.

But thinking about the overall prophecy, it struck me that God really knows all these things and all my fears. He knows what I need even before I ask. And... the most comforting thing is that He knows that I really desire to grow in so many areas. To be honest, I still fear a lot that others will scold me and think badly of me for being so slow to grow. But the comforting words of my Father encircle me and rebuke those who will think bad of me, like how God rebuked Job's friends.

And it encourages me that God promises me that He will help me grow. That the very fact I can even realise my poverty of spirit is in itself a gift of God - God's grace indeed. "T'was grace that taught my heart to fear..."

And reflecting further, I see that my weaknesses only serve to magnify God's glory. That His power works best in weakness. Amazing. :) So God, so not me.

But what should my attitude thus be in the face of all these? Simply to trust and believe in His provision for whatever tasks He has called me to do. God doesn't look at my ability. He simply looks at my obedience. "To obey is better than sacrifice..." So not to listen to the voices of doubts and "rational" minds, but to listen to wisdom's voice: "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom..." and to obey Him first and foremost.

Ha. It's going to be an exciting but scary time for me ahead. I know, I know. I will die many times, but ah well, so be it. If I die, then let's die for the Lord! "Spartans! Tonight... we dine in hell!" Me? "Yeu Ann! Tonight... we dine with Jesus!" (Haha... more Biblically correct lah.)

Anything, as long as Christ reigns in me totally. :) I'm gonna die... and rise again. And with the help of my God, I will surely rise again as surely as I fall. And in Christ I am more than a conqueror through Him who loves me! Amen!

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