This post from someone's blog encouraged me a lot - was very timely, it described exactly my heart's questions these past few days. Praise God, He really is with me, He is my faithful Father, He is my Rock and my Salvation!

I've always wondered why God allow us to go through things that are seem meaningless and even horrid, regretable. ... Why if God knew I would make such a terrible blunder as this, did He still allow me to make it? He could have stopped me. But why didn't He? Why if He knew I was particularly weak in certain areas, I still had to go through it and just do it.

Then, it just re-emphasizes God's heart so much again and again.

God is not so much concerned about what you can do for Him, then who you are as a person and what you become doing what do you for Him.

So it's okay that you struggle. It's okay that you make mistakes. It's okay that you fall down. So long you fixed Your eyes on Him.

The moment one takes his eyes off God and focuses on what he can do for God, and takes pride in the longest to do list for God, is the moment of his downfall.

I finally understand why leaders take it slow for people who are so eager to be shepherds and to serve. It might be painful for these people to want to serve it a bigger way but cannot do so. But one day the person will praise God for a leader's foresight and patience with a "young" believer's soul.