"Place me like a seal over your heart..."

"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires."
(Song of Solomon 3:5)

Have been thinking of this verse quite a lot today. Meditating? Hmm, kind of. Think it's more of a caution to me. And just read another brother's blog in which he shared about his feelings for a particular sister. So thought I'd pen down some thoughts on it, and oh, after that, I'll write about the joy of taking care of a new believer!!! (HAHAHAHA... so happy... told Shuyi and Mich and 'Uncle' Lee tt I've been smiling for 12 hours plus already...)

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Really grateful to God for how He has transformed and matured my perspective on relationships over the years, through the advice and counsel of my dear follow-uppers and shepherds - I remember Kenny, my first ever follow-upper, who called me up when he found out I liked a particular girl in JC (haha... that was in 1998 yeah), and how he helped me understand that I wasn't ready then. Really thank God for him!

Hmm... so this dear bro shared in his blog:

Looking back, i quite regret framing our relationship in that manner from the start. I had purposely let her know my likings from the start out of the notion that once girls treat you as a friend, it's very hard for them to treat you as a potential partner. Perhaps that's a mistaken notion, but i tink it poisoned the relationship from the start. I'm quite sorry that i've lost a friend whom i could share my interests with.

It struck a chord in my heart, because I remember Hanhui, my old CL (now happily married to a beautiful and godly woman of God... :)), who sat down to talk with me about the way I was behaving towards a particular sister whom I liked. He advised me to be wise about how I handled my liking for her.

He said to me:

You need to be careful about the way that you're behaving towards her. Yes, perhaps she really may like you too in future, but if you are not careful, and you push now, you may put her off, make her uncomfortable with you, and spoil what was a potentially beautiful friendship.

So just take your time to know her better as a friend. And even if she's not the one for you, well, at least you'll be great friends! But "do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."

Somehow, that verse spoke to me very strongly at that moment. I realised God's wisdom really was so wise... and specific.

So fast-forward to today. Hmm... think over the long period of time since then, I really treasure the wisdom of God's wise words on love. As things turned out, I realise that perhaps this particular sister isn't the one for me - but nevertheless, she's definitely a very dear friend and co-worker to me, and I really treasure and appreciate her friendship in Christ. I really thank God for His grace, that He saved this friendship from being spoiled due to my foolishness, and sent Hanhui to intervene and advise me. And now I'm enjoying the blessing of a pure friendship...

Well, maybe she might be the one for me... but it seems less and less likely, after considering the advice that my dear sub-d leader, Claramae, gave me a few weeks ago, when I asked her for advice on relationships over lunch.

There was quite a bit that Claramae taught me, but essentially, two major factors to consider in looking for a future wife are these two:

"Do you complement each other - as in spiritual gifts, personalities, etc...",

And secondly, "Is there a suitable chemistry between the two of you?"

And of course, the ever-wise advice that both my shepherd and Clara gave me: "Take your time to get to know each other better, to see how the other responds to real-life situations."

And I also recall Weizhu, my previous shepherd (now happily attached to a beautiful and godly sister-in-Christ), who gave me very practical advice:

"Are you able to take care of your own physical needs AND take care of your future wife's physical (and financial) needs too? Because, in the final analysis, a woman would very much prefer a man who is able to take care of her and her children well... Of course, it's not that you have to be perfect before you can provide, but it helps a lot if your future wife can feel secure with you."

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So well, am thinking about all these. One thing that gets me excited is thinking about who can complement me in the area of spiritual gifts...

Hmm... hee hee... well, my spiritual gift is definitely that of exhortation/encouragement...

Hmm... Actually, I'm not very sure what kind of spiritual gifts complement the gift of encouragement... personally, I'm someone who's very poor in discerning even obvious things, so I think it'll be great if she has the gift of discernment... but I'm not sure how the gift of encouragement can work together with discernment...

Or mercy? I don't think I have the gift of mercy. And I'm pretty sure my shepherd doesn't have either. You should see how he slaughters me during Warcraft and FIFA game time. ;D LOL...

Giving? Not sure. Hmm... hey, I can encourage people to give... I have done this before last time, when I was Missions I/C for my CG back in Adults ministry...

Intercession? Hmm! Maybe?

Hah. I'm not sure. Think I'll go and talk some more with Clara and/or my shepherd for more advice on this.

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Well, chemistry-wise... hmm... who ah?

Well, at least 2 or 3 sisters that I like more, whom I can 'click' with easily. Thank God! :)

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Ok... thinking back on all these, I need to keep everything in perspective. After all, marriage's only for a lifetime - "till death do us part" - and there are eternal rewards to look higher up to. :)

Someone wrote this on her blog, and it encouraged me too to stick my eyes on Jesus. Very meaningful.

And the first thing I am going to commit to you. Is to not put my hope in a temporary high. I shall not go and find out who that person is, O Lord. As in, I shall not go and feed my crush, and play with fire in my heart. I shall trust You. If one day ever, You want to show me who he is, when you think I'm ready and mature enough, I shall not close my heart and eyes to it. But for now, I will let it go, and trust in You. Put my focus on You. There's so much more important things I can do and think of right now.

Amen! Yes, forgive me, Lord, I really want to keep my eyes upon You, Jesus. "Only one life, and soon it will pass - only what's done for Christ will last." And as Jim Elliot said, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."

Help me be careful, Lord. To watch my heart and thoughts.

Yes, have to be careful, because now, I'm taking care of a new believer. So thank God SO MUCH! Shall POUR all my energy into loving and praying and caring for this precious child of God... it was no coincidence that You helped me find him today just as he was walking down from his lab - so drained and tired - that I could pass him a Bible. And I really pray that You give him the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, that he may know You better...

Help me love this precious child of God as much as You love him.

Help me love him with a strong love - "the good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep."

Help me remember how my dear shepherd loved me even when I was so unlovable... and pass this love you have shown me thru my shepherd on to my new brother-in-Christ...

Help me channel my heart and mind as I run the final lap of this NUS ministry You have put me in.

Help me be faithful to You till the very end.

To hear You say those beautiful words that all who love God have ever longed to hear: "Well done, good and faithful servant!"

Help me, my Lord Jesus... and thank You for Your unfailing love. Place me like a seal over Your heart, Lord...

Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.

Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.