Two Trains of Thought and a Funeral

Just came back from my uncle's funeral wake. Was very surprised to see so many people there. But one stirring tribute from my cousins: "He was a man of character."

Gosh. :) His legacy - so many people.

And another thing: a lot of them were from his church.

It reminds me again that the Church really is meant to be the family of God on earth. From womb to tomb. And then we'll meet again in heaven.

=)

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Was walking around SMU earlier, to recce the place for CG tomorrow. Bumped into Huanyan. Pleasant surprise! And he gave me some good tips for CG venue. Ah, a veteran he is. :)

Anyway, was walking around, and just a bit lost in thought. Been praying about some things on my mind. And as I walked back home, I think I've finally got something figured out. I think I've forgotten about doing the work that He's called me to do.

I've been so worried and distracted over minor things (though they look big right now), but on eternity's scales - they'll be less than dust.

A verse that Yanjie shared with me last time kept coming to mind: "No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs-he wants to please his commanding officer." (2 Tim 2:4).

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So we have two trains of thoughts here, merging together into a single conclusion:

I have only one life to live. And it's terribly fast and short. How shall I live TODAY? Worrying about things that I don't even know? I mean, Jesus said that I can't add one hour to my life by worrying. (I'll probably end up subtracting!)

Lord, what have I been doing? I've been going AWOL in my heart, forgetting the mission that You gave me. You gave me a calling, You gave me a vision... and what am I doing about all this? The kingdom of God is forcefully advancing, but am I willing to help push my all, to answer Your call?

Tze Wei told us a very funny story last time. When he was much, much younger (which was a long time ago), he was on a missions trip in a van with some other people. But the van got stuck in the mud. So everyone had to get out and push, while the driver would restart the engine.

Thing is, the rear wheels would spin in the mud, and whoever was directly behind the van would get fully baptized in mud, in the name of Honda / Toyota / whatever model the van was.

So, one brother boldly spoke up. He said that someone must help to do the difficult work of starting the engine. And he would gladly volunteer himself for this challenging task.

Another brother bravely stepped up and positioned himself directly behind the rear wheels.

Tze Wei wasn't like that. He, not being so bold, decided to carefully position himself on the side of the van, and give a good-looking push.

So, when the van started up, the bro at the back of the van got the full power and glory and was instantly transfigured into Swamp Thing. But Tze Wei was spared that joy.

So, he snickered to himself. But, as he got back into the van, he started thinking about what he had done. He had looked good, helping to push, but conveniently standing at the side of the van. So he had kept himself clean on the outside, but who really was clean on the inside?

And he knew the answer to his own question.

Well, that was a very funny but thought-provoking story that he told us, because he wanted to illustrate to us that God looks at the inside, the heart attitudes, not the outward forms of behaviour.

But I also realise that in a way, this story also applies to me too. Am I willing to willingly position myself at the rear of the van, and receive the full glory of a mud-bath? To get my hands grubby and dirty, having fully thrown myself into doing the work of God? "To spend, though it be blood to spend and spare not..." And at the end of the day, exult together with Paul, declaring, through blood-soaked sweat and tears, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness..."

Or will I conveniently relegate myself to second division, to the sides of the van, where I show the world and the church that I am indeed lifting my finger to help push the van... but in reality, not pushing very much though I am capable of more. "...having a form of godliness, but denying its power..."

What will my life's legacy be
'Cos God has chosen and called me
But will I respond to His call
Or not give Him my all?

God is calling for volunteers, not conscripts! To fight a battle that will be hard-fought and hard-won.(Isaiah 6:8-9)

I've been starting to think a lot about what could be done. Should I sign up for YWAM? To help disadvantaged children? To become a full-time writer? A lot of possible paths and opportunities to explore. I don't want to spend the rest of my working life staring at the computer. I want to do something delicious for God. To let others taste and see that the Lord is good.

I hope I can do something more for the children of the world. Lord, what shall I do? There are so many people out there... and I feel so tiny. But a bruised reed You will not break, a smouldering wick You will not snuff out, till You lead justice to victory. In Your name the nations will put their hope.

I don't know how. But I pray that as I surrender more and more of myself to Him, He'll make me into a useful person, to bring Him joy and pleasure. Yup! :)

Oh Lord, my God. Guide me and lead me... I throw myself once again, this gormless deserter, back into Your everlasting arms.

In Jesus' most precious name, amen.