I Fled Him

This morning, I had the Monday blues in a way. :) Hee. But I think that's in part due to the busy, busy weekend, and also the feeling of being alone at times in ministry.

Thank God for the good time of jogging with Andrew.

Still, it's so true that we cannot always rely on our fellow humans to satisfy all our needs and feelings and so on. Because our fellow humans are also needy. At best, we're beggars doing barter trading.

That feeling of neediness, that you know very well that no one else can meet that ache in your heart - not even BGR, nor even family or even your closest and dearest friends. You know it very well - for you have tried before, and found that such experiences can never satisfy your heart fully.

So it's in moments like these, that I know that I must turn back to the Lord, my Shepherd of my soul. And yet I wriggle away from His loving embrace like a stubborn little boy from his father's loving arms, like an irrational little lamb fleeing away from his shepherd's gentle embrace.

I fled Him, down the nights and down the days;

I fled Him, down the arches of the years;

I fled Him, down the labyrinthine ways

Of my own mind; and in the mist of tears

I hid from Him, and under running laughter.

Up vistaed hopes I sped;

And shot, precipitated...

Adown Titanic glooms of chasmèd fears,

From those strong Feet that followed, followed after.

And yet He still steadily treads on after me, the Hound of Heaven is he.

But with unhurrying chase,

And unperturbèd pace,

Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,

They beat -- and a voice beat

More instant than the Feet --

"All things betray thee, who betrayest Me."

But how can I get back to Him? How can I find the rest that my soul so needs? Ah. I think I shall go and sing a song of worship to Him. Because there are times that I really don't know how else to describe how I feel, or are words sufficient enough to express this intensity.

Thank God for the joy of being able to worship Him with a new song. To be able to express my innermost longings. To pour out all the feelings of loneliness, of fearfulness, of inadequacies, of restlessness... and more importantly, to turn my eyes and my head once again back unto Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of my faith.

How little worthy of any love thou art !

Whom wilt thou find to love ignoble thee,

Save Me, save only Me ?

All which I took from thee I did but take,

Not for thy harms,

But just that thou might'st seek it in My arms.

All which thy child's mistake

Fancies as lost, I have stored for thee at home :

Rise, clasp My hand, and come !"

Halts by me that footfall :

Is my gloom, after all,

Shade of His hand, outstretched caressingly ?

"Ah, fondest, blindest, weakest,

I am He Whom thou seekest!

:')