:)
Ok, I'm in one of my crazy moods again. Haha! :)
*******
Actually, was thinking with regards to what my natural personality is. I do realise the distinctions between my perceived self, my natural self and my public self.
Public self, well, I'm aware (or more aware now) of the image that I present, and was reflecting on what makes me present such a self. In short, it's insecurity, thinking that I have to do something to make others accept me, and as a result of that belief, I keep cracking jokes and doing stupid things so that others will laugh.
Thank God for that awareness - this knowledge helps me break this habit of trying to be what I'm not, or rather, what God didn't intend me to be. :)
So in reflection, knowing your personality only goes so far. Yes, you'll know why you act the way you act. But having the power to change not only the way you act, but your inner attitudes, can only come from the power of the Holy Spirit. I mean, I know that I tend to be a very insecure person, but that knowledge alone can't enable me to break my habits of seeking after people's approval.
Like how a drowning man KNOWS that he's going to drown, but he's helpless to save himself. (I mean, you think he wants to stay there drowning?)
Romans 3:20
Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.
Romans 7:21-25
So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
Romans 8:1-3a
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.
But I know now that Christ came to set me free from what I myself could not do.
:)
So hee, that was one of the thoughts that I thought I thought today.
*Caution: Cold Zone Coming Up!*Thought for Today:
I thought a thought, but the thought I thought I thought wasn't the thought that I thought I'd thought. If the thought that I thought I thought had been the thought that I thought I thought, then I needn't have thought the thought that I thought I thought.
Have fun parsing THAT sentence! ;) You get a sparse parsely if you can parse it sparsely. (Oh my. That was a bit sparse stick.)
XD
*End Cold Zone!*
Anyway, the second thought of the day was that actually, my natural self might actually be a MelPhleg (combination of Melancholic and Phlegmatic). Quite surprising initially, but when you think about it, actually, the observations that I've made of myself does seem to indicate that being phlegmatic is actually more dominant in me than the sanguine aspect.
Because if you consider the characteristics of a pure-C type (Logical Thinker) to a C-S type (Precisionist/Perfectionist), I'm much, much closer to a Precisionist. I really enjoy pixel-perfect precision when it comes to doing web designing, and yes, feel uneasy when forced to decide anything quickly, as my bros and sisters can tell you. :) And yes, I do my best to avoid conflicts. And I really enjoy the company of people, but prefer having only a few close friends. And yes, I do have a high tendency to procrastinate.
That's why I like neatness, but frankly, I very rarely get around to tidying up my room, because I'm simply too lazy to do so.
And actually, I realise that in high-pressure situations, my tendency to panic might be more of something that I expect myself to do. Actually, I don't like it when people panic or lose their heads. Cynthia said that I'm very cool-minded, comforting her when she was feeling very panicky. Surprised... but perhaps it's true after all? And actually, on further reflection, my "panicking" can actually be more of an expression of frustration with either myself or a fellow phlegmatic. (Sorry, Wei... :P)
And my predilection to starting at the last minute before an assignment, and frankly, not feeling very panicky - in fact I think I should be more stressed about my work at times. Hmm...
And if you were to put me to the Myers-Brigg test, I think I would be described as an intuitive thinker. Think that's true, because I keep using the word, "Think", so often in what I say or write. :) Feeler ah... well, that's the mel part of me.
Quite a surprising realization, because all this while I've thought of myself as being sanguine, or at the least, having a sanguine aspect to me. But experience shows that I definitely am not a sanguine, and I have more of the characteristics, besides a mel personality, of a phlegmatic one too.
Upon further introspection, I think that belief was, in a large extent, due to my insecurity and the mistaken belief that if I want people to like me, I have to make them laugh. (At this moment, I remember Wenjiang sharing about this experience too when he was my shepherd many years ago. Wow... now then I understand what he meant.)
*******
And if it really turns out I do have the strengths (and weaknesses) of a phlegmatic too, what does that mean for me?
In one aspect, nothing that much really... knowing my real personality isn't, like, going to shake the heavens and the earth...
But! On the other aspect, it's a REAL eye-opener. It's like, all along I thought I was this kind of person, and tried to be this kind of person, and failed miserably, wondering why I can't be this kind of person...
And then realising that God has actually made me totally different from what I thought I was all my whole life.
And with that realisation comes a whole new sense of freedom - the joyous freedom to be really what God has made me to be, and not what I think others want me to be. (And sometimes what I think is not what others are actually thinking.)
And perhaps, best of all, there is this hope that we can discover who we TRULY are, and what we were MADE FOR, and what we CAN BE, in Christ Jesus!
Life with Jesus is so exciting... sometimes you get hit with a major epiphany out of the blue, and your life is never the same again, because of that sudden realization... could be one of those "stars" that God has graciously put in your life to draw you to set out and seek the Baby of Bethlehem, just like the Wise Men of the east did 2000 years ago.
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