December Days - the crossing-over

Hmm... 3 am. Later I'll be meeting Shirley to talk with her about my moving on to Adults ministry. And meeting Alan Tea next week to do a DISC test (it's some personality test, useful for helping me know myself better).

Think it's been, like what Robert said before, "full circle". God has been good to me indeed, even during my darkest days, and I think I've grown closer to God and gotten to know His character and heartbeat, in a very tiny, tiny way, a little more. :) And I've also learnt how to draw closer to people, and really for the first time in my life, found brothers and sisters whom I can be really close with... friends are really a gift from God! I've learnt to lean upon God in prayer, even when I don't understand, and to treasure His words more... to take stronger ownership of my life, joyfully pressing on towards the prize... discovered more strengths and talents... think God has blessed me with a new spiritual gift... discovering a little more what His calling for my life is... discovering my passion for media, coupled with my professor's commendation... learning more about how to find my future spouse God's way...

and perhaps, the best thing of all: "Love God. And love His people." :) If there's only one thing that managed to get into my head (and hopefully, into my heart), i do hope these two commandments have drilled themselves into the thick skull of my head and thick walls of my heart.

There are so many things God has blessed me with during these 4 years of NUS ministry... it's not just spiritual things, but also intellectually and socially, etc. Enjoyed the Comms and New Media programme that I took... learnt to think deeper... discovered my analytical side... got to work with children... and with people very fascinating and different from me... to meet with people from very different cultures... made dear friends from other countries... got to help out as an OGL for the first time in my life...

Hmm... I think if there's any regrets that I really really have... it would have been not being willing to respond to whatever I've been challenged to do, letting my pride make me stay in my own comfort zone instead of responding to Christ's challenges.

That's it. But what an it! I remember one of my greatest disappointments is that when my CL asked me to lead a group discussion, due to my fears of not being able to come up with a good set of discussion questions, I didn't do it in the end, and so a sister had to fill in the gap. Think that really was a very sad experience for me - because I never got the chance again.

But one of the most important lessons that I learnt is this: "Get up and move on again." Thank God for my dear shepherd, Peter, who kept on telling me this, reminding and rebuking me whenever I started dwelling in worldly sorrow.

Philippians 3:12-14:
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

And what Weizhu and Peter told me before: To humbly accept the fact that I have sinned. I sin. And will sin. :) But just get up and keep walking.

And not just keep walking on, but to become more and more aware of when I am going to sin. That's maturity... being wiser, learning from my past mistakes and weaknesses.

And the things that I have already overcome... to help others with what I do know and have... as what WZ shared with me: "Only let us live up to what we have already attained."

And the verse to use to guard against thinking of myself too highly... "Do not think of yourselves more highly than you ought to..."

And what Hanhui told me about experiencing the grace of God, and God's grace being the key motivating factor behind everything we do... and Peter's "I do all this, because of Jesus."

And during my darkest, most despondent moments last year - Sijia's and Peter's corrections: "Seek God earnestly for healing..." and "Put your hope in God. You've tried so hard, again and again - and have failed. You can't do it on your own. So put your hope in God."

And the words that God spoke to me... so real, so deep! Jeremiah 29:31... "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart, and I WILL BE FOUND BY YOU," declares the LORD...

To have an eager heart to want to learn... to be willing to be corrected by my leaders... Peter again: "You need to have a broken spirit before God!"

Alpha 2006 - the harvest of souls! The time of MM and intense ministry... I really cannot forget the wonderful shared moments... the dear brothers and sisters whom I got to serve with... Shunrong. Jits. Edmund. Nic. Joseph. Huili. Dorling. Swee Leong. Huanyan. Hongyao. Timothy. Ellson. Wenjiang. Guanzhen... and more! So many memories, so many joys...

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And a new phase of my life is coming up. It's time to pack up and cross the next "Jordan River" of my life into the Promised Land.

Hmm... I see these last few weeks as a final sprint to the end of this lap of my life, the NUS lap. I want to push on to give my very best for Jesus, no turning back! To prepare myself in fasting and prayer for the next lap - for it will be a long, long lap. To brush up on skills. To train my brain. To learn more about myself during this time. Direction? Calling? Where to go? Which job? Etc.

Peter told me that this time of crossing over to Adults ministry would be like that D-Day beach landing scene in Saving Private Ryan. Some won't make it across the water. Others will make it, only to get pinned down by enemy fire. Yet others will move on, only to be surprised by the minefields. But by God's grace, we'll establish the next beachhead. :)

So I need to don the armour of God for this difficult time. "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."

To have joy, for the joy of the Lord is my strength.

To pray and pray earnestly, that my faith may not fail.

To encourage others who are making the crossing.

And whatever else happen, stick to Jesus!