Actually, been sitting in bed since last night and just thinking about a lot of things swirling around in my mind. I really don't like dwelling, yet I keep wanting to have a sense of closure. But sometimes, it's like those recursive loops in a program that keeps on going on and on the deeper you go. You can't break out of it.
But there is a way... just hand over all the mess in your mind to Jesus, and let Him resolve it for you. Like a student handing over his half-completed, uncompilable and buggy program to his lab TA, I've decided to hand over the mess in my mind to Jesus for Him to settle.
I keep on wrestling with a lot of guilt in my heart. But that is where I really need to claim the promise of God's forgiveness - "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Think God just rebuked me strongly from the Bible. To be honest, I don't feel like responding, but when was faith ever about having the "right" feelings?
Jesus Predicts His Death
From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.
Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. "Never, Lord!" he said. "This shall never happen to you!"
Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." (I think He was rebuking me here for dwelling in self-pity.)
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life[h] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done. I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom."
Thinking again about what Peter told me before: "Be real with God in your prayers. Don't be religious. Just be real."
Mm. I know what I need to do now. (I think.)
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