Came back from service and a good dinner with my dear CG. Actually, was supposed to usher today, but was sick, and feeling tired and weak, and Jiadai noticed, and thank God for her caringness, :) hee, I got excused.

Was originally thinking whether I should do duty anyway, 'cos it's about being committed to ministry, but think this verse assured me that it's ok, it's really my heart that counts - "For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not what one does not have." And besides, I'll be helping out with HopeKids tomorrow, and I need the energy for taking care of the children tml. :) God knows that I really need the energy... haha....

Anyway, thanks a lot to my dear bros and sisters for their care and concern - pple like Bo, Guanrui, Zhiwei and Flince and YF and quite a few others who asked me how I was (after listening to me coughing my lungs out during service). It's a very small thing, but touches me a lot! :)

Another thing to really thank God for, was when I went off to the loo, Bowen helped to write out my sermon notes for me while I was absent. Very, very touched! Thank you so much bro!

Hee... yes, this is something that I've noticed in the bros who came over from the NS group this year... I'm very struck by their love and unity - even after going to different ministries e.g. NUS, NTU or even overseas... they still keep in touch and serve one another in big and small ways e.g. get extra green tea for one another... rest assured, brothers, while you go about loving one another, though you may not know it, others are watching your lives - and they can see Christ's love made very real in you guys!

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Today's sermon and praise encouraged me a lot. I'm not feeling well physically, and that old feeling of insecurity's coming back in waves, but thank God so much, think He's allowing me to go through my "approval addiction" cold-turkey...

While I was worshipping God during the worship, and having quite a lot of worries on my mind, this phrase came to my mind: "The Crucified Life."

Asked Him to explain to me what this meant. Think He impressed on me that all these worries I'm having are part of learning to die to my old self, when I feel the insecurities pop up in my mind, I need to push on, to deny myself and even when I face rejection - something I fear a lot, actually - as long as my conscience's clear, and I've done my best - just keep going on because of Jesus. There's quite a lot of things I have to learn to put to death daily, and honestly, I'm finding out that it really isn't easy.

It may be one thing to love those who hate you, but what do you do if that person is a Christian? For a long time, I struggled with a lot of feelings about that. But I think over time, through the Bible, and the advice of my CL, I've become increasingly more secure and stable in my heart. I believe Daddy is putting me through all these tests in order to mould me to become more like Christ's response.

Hee... thank God, I think I made a breakthrough in this area today. Just something small that, between me and Daddy, only He knows. But I know that no breakthrough is too small for Him to take joy in!