And he also pointed out to me the root problem arising from my ultra-mel personality - being too self-absorbed, so need to work at being conscious of my surroundings, etc. Wow. Really thank God for the very dear friend and bro who speaks the truth to me in love. Really feel very loved. :D
Hee. Think God's putting in the final piece and preparing me, putting me through the fires of ministry (the commencement thingy) to "bake" and refine me before He puts me into the working world. Thank You Lord! Your timing is ultra-precise and perfect! (And the perfectionist in me jumps for joy when I think of Your perfect precision... :D)
Because He does want me to influence ppl... but I must learn to connect with pple first... and the key to that is to grow less self-absorbed. Hee, in a way it's not my fault actually because of my natural tendency... but need to be more aware... and grow in this area.
*******
Why the particular title? Think it's because God has been speaking to me very clearly regarding my melancholic nature the past few weeks from the Bible, and from experiences and so on, about dying to myself. And I think the timing's very timely, and can really sense His gentle guidance v strongly on my life at this crossroad in my life.
And I believe He's been speaking to me more and more strongly about my natural melancholy. Just because it's natural doesn't necessarily mean that it's all good. Like a natural toadstool. Naturally poisonous... and so is our carnal nature. For me, the melancholic man in me does have his strengths, but his pride, his judgemental and critical and self-absorbed nature really detracts from his God-given strengths as a person.
Not that we melancholics are naturally condemned... it's just that each and every one of us has this fallen nature in us, the nature that, without help from above, is impossible to redeem. But Redemption has come, and He lives in us. And so we no longer live, but Christ liveth in us. And the life we live, we live by faith in the Son of God who loved us and gave His life for us!
So I think Daddy's emphasising to me that this is THE phase of my life, the phase that is part of my pre-purposed destiny in Him even before I was a twinkle in my mum's eyes. And He wants me to rise up and overcome the dark side of the melancholic man in me... to rise up and be strong in Him. Time no longer to be depressed because of the darkness... time to SHINE in the darkness! "The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not [overcome] it."
And I put all these pieces together, and realise that the time is now. Time to be the kernel of wheat that falls to the ground and dies, that it may bear many seeds. Because He has already let me experience what happens if I let my mel nature rule me, instead of His Spirit guiding me.
Because my natural self-absorption really hinders me from connecting with people... to win them for Christ.
Today is the day of destiny, however... Even though I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of overcoming my melancholic nature, to learn to look outwards and upwards, and thinking about all the difficulties of changing and surrendering my personality to the Lord, that I felt like breaking down and crying...
The verse Isaiah 41:10 at that precise moment came to mind, saying,
"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Wow. Jesus really is with me, and He is holding my hand through it all. And He is with you too, when we choose to deny yourself, take up our cross and follow Him Today. So here's to the next phase of our transformation...
2 comments:
Hello,
I was reading your blog. I also happen to be a melancholic person. I enjoy logical thinking and analysing. Well, I am intellectually inclined, so I cannot really identify with the intimate emotions you experience with God. I guess everyone experiences God in a different way. I always felt that focusing on on our melancholic strengths and earnestly seeking to reduce our melancholic weaknesses should be essential in our lives. It is interesting you enjoy discussing issues on politics and current affairs. I also wish to have argumentative and intellectual discussion on such issues in an atmosphere of friendliness. Lastly, I hope you and I can really develop our strengths and seek to overcome our melancholic weakness. Have a nice day.
Dear Anon,
Thanks a lot for your thoughtful comment! :) Yah, same here, I also enjoy discussing politics and current affairs... I can see you're definitely a logical thinker and analyser from the way you write... :D tt's great! can learn from you. I've discovered recently, that I'm also phlegmatic... think my phleg side is a bit more than the mel side, so i enjoy building deep friendships, but can be really lazy at times.
and what you said abt experiencing God in a different way... think tt's very true, actually. the Bible says that in heaven, each and every one of us who is there will receive a new and unique name that only he/she and God will know for all eternity.
so that means that in a very unique and special way, each of us will relate to God in a unique way that no one else can fill. :D and that includes you and me!
basically, there's some ways tt diff ppl experience God differently... Gary Thomas coined the term "Sacred Pathways" in his book of the same title. John Ortberg also mention the same idea in his book, "God Is Closer Than You Think"
1. Contemplative
2. Creation
3. Worship/Experiential
4. Relational
5. Activist
6. Serving
and ...
7. Intellectual! :)
For me, i feel God's presence very, very strongly when i'm out in nature, experiencing His creation, the skies, the trees, the grass, the seas, the mountains, the valleys, the birds, the animals, etc. :D
Whereas the intellectual-pathway person will experience God's pleasure in his heart when he studies the Bible, learn deeper and newer truths, delights in the depth of God's wisdom and knowledge... your favourite book of the Bible probably would be Romans ;)
Hope this blesses you! :D
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