Of Spiderman, Sin and Scriptures, (or, the Parable of Peter Parker's Pride)

Been feeling quite angry since yesterday. Tried to get over it, but found it very hard to do so. It feels like that black suit Peter Parker-aka-Spideyman tried to pull off... yeah, that mysterious black goo. :P

Still angry today actually. Oh man, I let the sun go down in my anger... not just that, it went up, and went down a second time and I'm still angry.

Scared, because I can see how this kind of thing (brooding anger and bitterness) grows on you. Like that black suit again.

But keep losing to this inner anger... that's something a melancholic person tends to fall trap into very easily - the carnal nature that tends to keep on dwelling on past hurts and constantly replaying the whole scenario again and again...

And I know that this is sin. And I find myself powerless to fight against this dark thought that keeps overwhelming me. Every time I think I've come up with another argument to counter the dark thought... it comes back even stronger. The power of our sinful nature is damned powerful. Damned if you fight, damned if you don't.

Romans 7:14-20
"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

I was really praying, asking God for a word, for strength... anything! to help me overcome those negative thoughts, to forgive, to search me for my own pride and anger, and so on... and no thoughts came to mind. Except the repeat telecast of the episode. Diaoz.

Tried thinking of Bible verses on my own... but just felt so emotionally angry it was really hard to focus on the command: "In your anger do not sin..." Because I think I want something more than just a command... I need help to obey that command!

But thank God for the sharing that my CG had after dinner last night. We were sharing about how the Word can help us overcome evil and sin in our lives. And one thing that came to mind was someone sharing about how it's important to know how the verses apply to our lives, not just memorising them.

So took my Bible, looked at it... and just sat there on my bed, not opening it and inwardly pouting. But think God was waiting for me, waiting for me to just respond and stop acting so childishly. So well, I just responded. And turned to that section in my Bible, which I've never really touched before - topical sections on what verses to read when you're in a particular condition...

And turned to the section on anger. And read through all the verses that the section referred to.

And as I read the verses, one by one, eventually I just felt less and less angry. Somehow, felt that my mind was being "washed" by the Word, with the angry thoughts becoming less and less corrosive. And somehow, I don't know how, as I read through the passages, the verses helped me reflect more clearly on my own responsibilities, and what I was and wasn't responsible for. Not just so, somehow the Spirit helped me put myself in the other person's shoes and see the situation from his own eyes more clearly... I realised that actually this friend's very concerned for me, despite the misunderstanding.

You know, I didn't get so-called "instant emotional relief", but I did gain a new measure of wisdom and perspective, I think, on this kind of situation. It feels now as if God is now standing back, with His arms folded, nodding His head wisely, having pointed out to me what to consider and think - not just my own viewpoint, but the other person's viewpoint too. And He's making me sit down and think for myself this time around. And I think I do know why He's doing that kind of thing... He doesn't want to "spoonfeed" me anymore, but wants to train my mind to think in a godly and wise way, until "we have the mind of Christ". (1 Corinthians 2:16b)

To learn to eat and digest the solid food of the Word that He's placed before me.

Oh, I just read that passage in 1 Cor 2... seems there's more digesting to do tonight: "The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment:

'For who has known the mind of the Lord
that he may instruct him?'

But we have the mind of Christ."

*******
Reflecting on this experience, something I learnt about myself is that, actually, I'm still very young when it comes to actually applying the Bible to real-life situations. I've never really bothered to touch or read through seriously the topics that speak on common real-life situations, on which verses speak directly regarding situations e.g. anger, fear, lust, hate, doubts, miscommunications, insecurity, blurness, wealth management and the like.

It's so easy in a way... God has put the answers to all of life's situations very clearly in His Word. It's an open-book exam, actually. :) But yes, after the 2 verses that Alan shared with us during the last sub-district prayer meeting, and our CG discussed over dinner...

Now I see just how real, relevant and relational God's Word is to all my situations, each and every one of them.

Hebrews 4:12-13
"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account."

2 Timothy 3:16-17
"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."