The Kernel of Wheat #3 - The First Impression

One precious comment that a lot of the brothers shared was that their first impression of me wasn't very positive. It's only after getting to know me better that they start really appreciating me. Naturally, I was very curious to find out why. And it's because I came across to them as too friendly and some found my openness to share too open, to the point of irritation. (And one bro said it was rather mushy, for a bro.) I'm sure a lot of people reading this blog can wholeheartedly agree. :)

So thank God for that feedback. 'Cos when they said that, suddenly, everything fell into place, and I realised why I have so much stress and difficulty connecting with people many, many times...

Think in part it's because of my perfectionist nature. As one of my brothers pointed out to me, "Mm somehow i feel that your perfectionist nature might have caused part of your frustration as it sets unrealistic expectation in your mind subtly".

I like situations to be ideal, and often I feel very internally frustrated when situations are not ideal for building relationships, and really feel disappointed when people don't respond the way that I hope (and expect). I do expect in my heart people to be more friendly and open. But reality is, people aren't 90% of the time.

So one question that came to my mind was this: How to grow in connecting with people? 'Cos HQ told me that before I can influence people, I need to connect with them first! Think sincerity alone is not sufficient to connect with people. There has to be something else - and I think that key factor in connecting with people is attractiveness/winsomeness.

Being winsome is not something that only celebrities have... it's a characteristic that causes people to look up to you and admire you and feel very comfortable with you.

Then the next question that I asked myself was, what is/are the factor/s that would help me be a winsome person? Think being a nice and sweet person and all that is great for a girl, but it doesn't work as well for a guy. Ah, don't worry, I'm straight. :)

To that, I reflected on some past experiences where I did win the person over, and some very unlikely people some more.

Think a cheerful, positive personality does work wonders, together with calmness, steadiness and patience under pressure, in winning people over. That, and a healthy self-assessment of myself, knowing where I stand right now, and being able to laugh at myself too, not taking myself too seriously. And the ability to make the other person feel that he/she is really very interesting!

Seeing this trait in Huaqiang, how he stays calm and steady and unfazed even when facing a lot of stress, wow, that really wins my respect and admiration.

Hmm... what's my main motivation, actually? Think why I want to grow more winsome is because I simply desire to win more people to Christ. Just want to thank God that though I'm a super-melancholic person, He's also blessed me with a phlegmatic side, and yes, He's really helping develop everything that is good in me to their maximum. =)

Also, when I learn to grow more winsome, I also learn to be more like Christ Jesus. Because Jesus is one of the most winsome personalities you have ever seen... Gandhi, Albert Einstein and many, many other people, even devout atheists, have said that there simply is no one like this man called Jesus, who has such a winsome personality!

And, my dear friend, that is the faith, that is the grace, and that is the confidence that you, a child of God, can always enjoy!

*******
Ha, that reminds me. John Maxwell wrote this book on how to be a People Person. I think last time, when I read it, I got depressed, because I saw the principles presented there as yet more expectations to be met, rather than good guidelines based on Biblical principles that I can train myself in.

Training, rather than trying. What a powerful principle that I, an imperfet perfectionist, need to constantly remind myself of even as I press on towards the goal which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. :D

Ah... hopefully I'm more ready this time to read the book again. :) Lord, guide and lead me into all truth I pray... in Jesus' name amen!