And what Shirley said struck me a lot: "This is not my ministry... this is God's ministry. God has placed each and everyone of you in exactly the perfect time and place."
So struck by how she carries this conviction, this sense of divine destiny, and it struck me what I was sharing with Zhiwei as we sat outside chatting... I was telling him that I really don't want to sell my soul to a company, despite other people telling me to do so, e.g. my bosses, my family and friends... Because I DO NOT WANT TO WORK 20 HOURS A DAY FOR just money... what good is it, frankly, if i gain all the accolades and money and accomplishment, but in the end have nothing besides these to show for my life?
Shared with him that i really want to spend my life investing in people. (And the reason is because PEOPLE MATTER TO GOD!)
The only regret (though it's not a very deep regret) is that i didn't say boldly enough with deeper conviction, "What good is it if a man gains the whole world but loses his soul?"
But hee, perhaps no need to say that, but on the other hand, I really want the words of Christ to be so in me that His words will be my very own words too.
And oh yes, was v struck too by the testimonies of how YF looked beyond herself and her frustrations when it came to her final-year project. And realised how my own attitude was during my own time. Hee, thank God that I didn't draw totally into myself, but as I reflect on how openly frustrated and grumpy I was at times, I can really learn from her life's example, to deny myself and look out for the interests of others, not only my own.
And I think this is a message that God has been trying to get across to me the past one or two weeks. To look beyond myself - which I have been doing so much for the past 2 weeks - and start looking out. He's been speaking to me especially from John 12:24-28:
[Jesus said:] "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
"Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!" Then a voice came from heaven, "I have glorified it, and will glorify it again."
Something I'm thinking about too... find myself becoming increasingly frustrated with the mistakes that I keep on making. But... this is NOT the attitude that Jesus would want me to have. Instead, He wants me to have the courage to keep stepping out of my personal zone, to look beyond my own weaknesses to His strength, in howsoever ways and means He may make me grow...
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.
That would be, I think, how He wants me to look beyond myself. To deny myself, to die to self.
The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. To deny myself the privilege of wallowing in my own feelings and melancholy, and to live to please my Father in heaven, no matter how stupid or sad I feel.
Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
To follow the way of the Cross, to pick up my own cross and follow Jesus, my beautiful Lord and wonderful Saviour.
"Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!"
Thank God for you, Shirley, YF... you two have really inspired me in my walk with God, to die to self and step out to love others... =D God's name is really glorified through your obedient lives!
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