Just feeling very blue again. Hmm, yes, actually... because I was thinking again what a strange person I am.

Was asking God this morning, "Why did you make me such a nice person? I think it's not nice to be nice. Sheesh. I feel that being nice means that in the long run you don't have close friends, and don't have much impact or influence on others. Isn't it true that nice guys finish last? People do think less of people who are nice. To be good, yes, not to be nice. I've put a lot of people off by being too nice. So how? What do You think?"

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After praying about this just now, think God is helping me think a little more sensibly. :) Yeah, perhaps a lot of guys don't like this part of me, but perhaps it's a strange gift that God gave me - this being innocent and sweet and all that.

Hmm. In a way, it's like Peter Parker's quote: "This is my blessing, this is my curse." But thank God that yes, it is a strength... because children are very much comfortable with me. Still, I wonder at times if I really want this gift. Then I take a look at the children I'm taking care of in HopeTots, and I think again, this is really a blessing from God.

You know, perhaps it takes a real man to choose to take the harder right way than to choose the easier wrong. But still learning. I know that the Holy Spirit will mould me to be even more effective in reaching out to other guys in time to come.

Ha, had lunch with my old lecturer, and somehow we ended up talking about what women really want, and she said (with a wistful, distant look in her eyes - she's single you see): "I think what a women would really like is a man who's really sincere."

Yup, just some melancholic ramblings from me.