Crossroads

Just feeling extremely melancholic today. :)

Day's grayish, drizzling.

Yeah, was talking with God again. Just feeling low. I guess, for the first time, knowing that I'm going to actually start working soon. And esp about the fellowship part.

Wondering what I can do now, to help my dear CG. And for that matter, how I need to grow in love for my bros and sisters in my new CG.

It's not easy adapting in Adults, I guess, especially when you can't meet up so often. But I think it was tougher, in a sense, back in Army - super-hard to meet up and fellowship. But again, we didn't have very many cares in NS haha.

Oh, there's lunch time, yeah, but as a dear friend and I agreed, we can't really talk very much in-depth over all these deeper things in a single hour. Still, it's really a joy being able to even touch base, touch the deeper things during these conversations. Dinner time? I think that's a good idea - really should jio my CG for jogging haha. No excuse... esp for those still studying! (Oei, Shawn... haha...)

Lord, I feel so limited. I feel so ... useless even. :P I wonder what good I'm doing here in this ministry. And actually, think about this... the sobering fact is that I've really not done much. But oh yes, it does come all out from you... "If a man remains in Me, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing."

*oh! I got a phone call...*

Oh darn... I just found out that I missed my dental appointment - it's an important one - a wisdom tooth extraction! Thought my wisdom tooth op was at 2 pm... it was 10.30 am! Oh... hmm... this is going to be really tough now. I have to work a week next week... and it's not going to be nice if I have to keep excusing myself... Feeling quite panicky and frustrated, but remember, YA, that God let you go through tests to see how you will react, and whether you'll remember to guard your heart, not rush in anyhow, and give yourself as much time as possible to think first. Apply principles... apply Proverbs into your heart!

Anyway, this is one of my most favourite verses - and one of the most helpful to me:

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Just still feel so bleak, Lord. How do You want me to show love to my bros and sisters, I wonder?

During QT, I think something You were impressing on my heart is that You want my heart to beat for the same things as Yours does. And think this is an important guidance for the rest of my life. :)

Stagnancy. That's something I fear. But maybe I shouldn't fear such things as these. Feel at the moment, I'm still going around in circles. I can't really tell... hee... but one thing to really thank God for is that every little moment of frustration, every little moment of fear, every little moment of doubt is a God-given opportunity to learn to look up to Him more, and trust in Him... so that we may grow and breakthrough some more in faith.

Feel so much like a worm. Yeah, like those worms that I hooked during prawn fishing. :) Squeamish. But how touching to know that in the Bible, God tenderly says to us in Isaiah 41:14: Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you," declares the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.

That even though to the rest of the world, I may feel like David in Psalm 22:6, "But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by men and despised by the people," it's really good to know that God delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love.

Yeah! That's why I can have a positive spirit, despite my lowliness, because I know that it is God whom I'm serving... it is God who delights in me, no matter who I am or what I've done... for with Him is the promise of a new beginning every day! :D

Yeah! I think, like what Huaqiang told me before, it's going to take me about 3 to 6 months to adapt once I start working... so think God has been very good to me, giving me about 3 months plus to adapt to Adults fellowship... and teaching me how to grow in wisdom and maturity... so will keep looking up to Jesus! :D

Haha... hmmm... dear Lord, please hold my hand, it's still quite... bleak out here though. :) i feel really wormish at the moment. :) hee... thanks for being with me all the way, nevertheless, Daddy. :)