The Kernel of Wheat That Falls To The Ground And Dies #1 - The Revelation

What Huaqiang advised me regarding my job (and other aspects of my life too) as we had lunch: Not what I want, but what GOD wants. :) (And that may mean Him wanting to give me a higher paying job nearer to my workplace than a lower paying job further from my workplace... sometimes He wants to bless us more than we want to receive... oh man didn't think about this aspect of God's generosity and goodness!)

And he also pointed out to me the root problem arising from my ultra-mel personality - being too self-absorbed, so need to work at being conscious of my surroundings, etc. Wow. Really thank God for the very dear friend and bro who speaks the truth to me in love. Really feel very loved. :D

Hee. Think God's putting in the final piece and preparing me, putting me through the fires of ministry (the commencement thingy) to "bake" and refine me before He puts me into the working world. Thank You Lord! Your timing is ultra-precise and perfect! (And the perfectionist in me jumps for joy when I think of Your perfect precision... :D)

Because He does want me to influence ppl... but I must learn to connect with pple first... and the key to that is to grow less self-absorbed. Hee, in a way it's not my fault actually because of my natural tendency... but need to be more aware... and grow in this area.

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Why the particular title? Think it's because God has been speaking to me very clearly regarding my melancholic nature the past few weeks from the Bible, and from experiences and so on, about dying to myself. And I think the timing's very timely, and can really sense His gentle guidance v strongly on my life at this crossroad in my life.

And I believe He's been speaking to me more and more strongly about my natural melancholy. Just because it's natural doesn't necessarily mean that it's all good. Like a natural toadstool. Naturally poisonous... and so is our carnal nature. For me, the melancholic man in me does have his strengths, but his pride, his judgemental and critical and self-absorbed nature really detracts from his God-given strengths as a person.

Not that we melancholics are naturally condemned... it's just that each and every one of us has this fallen nature in us, the nature that, without help from above, is impossible to redeem. But Redemption has come, and He lives in us. And so we no longer live, but Christ liveth in us. And the life we live, we live by faith in the Son of God who loved us and gave His life for us!

So I think Daddy's emphasising to me that this is THE phase of my life, the phase that is part of my pre-purposed destiny in Him even before I was a twinkle in my mum's eyes. And He wants me to rise up and overcome the dark side of the melancholic man in me... to rise up and be strong in Him. Time no longer to be depressed because of the darkness... time to SHINE in the darkness! "The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not [overcome] it."

And I put all these pieces together, and realise that the time is now. Time to be the kernel of wheat that falls to the ground and dies, that it may bear many seeds. Because He has already let me experience what happens if I let my mel nature rule me, instead of His Spirit guiding me.

Because my natural self-absorption really hinders me from connecting with people... to win them for Christ.

Today is the day of destiny, however... Even though I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of overcoming my melancholic nature, to learn to look outwards and upwards, and thinking about all the difficulties of changing and surrendering my personality to the Lord, that I felt like breaking down and crying...

The verse Isaiah 41:10 at that precise moment came to mind, saying,

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Wow. Jesus really is with me, and He is holding my hand through it all. And He is with you too, when we choose to deny yourself, take up our cross and follow Him Today. So here's to the next phase of our transformation...