Sitting at my comp and just thinking about two things - or rather, three things that challenged me today.

The sermon today was on Distinguishing between True and False, by Ps Lawrence.
Very convicted - not only for myself, but also for some dear friends whom I was thinking of. Attitude of loving the truth... not just in actions, but also speaking the truth in love to those who need to hear it...

And also one point that convicted me was the part where just because it's not explicitly spelt out, spelled out in words in the Bible, I rationalize that it must be ok.

And this point gripped me too: "If God gives us an impression that someone is struggling in sin, will we bring it up?"

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Then, second thing was, when I responded to the altar call, and went down, the leader praying for me prophesised this word over me:
"This is what the Lord wants to say to you: Draw strength from God, not from your own strength or abilities, not from people or situations, but draw strength from God."

Wow. I was very surprised by that word spoken, but I accept it as a prophetic word from the Lord Himself... and personally, after reflecting on it, I think it's very true - and accurate. :) 'Cos, as I had shared with Sarah, I've been having a lot of fears in my mind the past few weeks... and I think these fears arise, because I do not look to Jesus for strength.

Some of the things that I fear are things like this: fear of falling away from God in the workplace, fear of not being able to land a good job that I enjoy, fear of not finding the right sister, fear of my procrastination, fear of missing the bus (i.e. jobs) due to my procrastination... fear of not taking good care of my sheep, fear that he'll fall away in future, fear of this and that...

Some of these fears are irrational, some of them are very valid and some are in-between. But was troubled and stressed because they all are so much and so jumbled up.

But praise be to God our Saviour, who daily carries our burdens. :)

So shared this with Sarah, and then asked her: "How can I draw strength from God?"

She asked me, "Hmm... what do you think?"

Shared with her that I think it means meditating on God's promises and asking the Holy Spirit to help me obey His truths.

Then she said,
"Yes, hold on to God's truth and ask His Holy Spirit to help us claim the truth. It's like a child crossing a drain. How can he cross the drain? Because he trusts his father, and his eyes are fixed on his dad."

"Oh I see... so we ask the Holy Spirit to help us obey the truth?"

"No, it's claim, not obey. Because we can obey, but the heart may still not be fully trusting. But when we claim the truth, it is in our hearts and obeying His truth will come naturally."

She smiled, and went on, "Because the Holy Spirit, He's our Counsellor."

"Oh! yah... I forgot my basic doctrines... so He'll lead us into all truth..."

"Yes, He will."

So very touched... and as I turned to pack up, these words came back to me:
"Lord, I'm stepping out
Of the comfort zone
Letting go of me
Holding on to You..."

And was suddenly so overwhelmed that I needed to sit down and pray. Really thank God for His grace and mercy to a sinner like me... how deep... how deep... how deep is His love to a wretch like me! Why does He love me so much?

These very words are playing as I type them:
I'll never know
How much it cost
To see my sins
Upon that cross...

Thank You dear Jesus for dying for me on the cross...

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After that, some time later, after going shopping with Sharon and Junting *thanks dear sisters for accompanying me to buy my working clothes, really appreciate it so much! :D*, I messaged Weizhu about a library book that I'd borrowed using his card... told him that I returned it late.

Then he msged me back, asking me why.

Was surprised, but thank God for him... he explained to me that he just want to help me see what this experience shows about me. It's not the fine - it's just a very small thing, but rather, it's my returning it late that says a lot about me.

He reminded me of what the sermon said today, that I could be rationalizing my procrastination...

And yes, that's so true... I was thinking about that... think the Spirit's been trying to drop hints to me before that, but I've been brushing them under the carpet.

Time to take a deeper look into why i procrastinate... and more importantly, claim the truth that procrastination is not pleasing to God.

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But why is procrastination not pleasing to God?

I need to go read the Bible again... oh God, I'm gonna end up rationalizing and making excuses for my procrastination again... please help me be willing to be willing to claim the truth. (no, that's not a grammar mistake that i typed just now...) In Jesus' name, I pray amen.