Burdened

I'm feeling burdened.

Funny in a way, because I was feeling very grateful to God during worship today. But think something that He reminded me of was His faithfulness to me... there will be times I really hunger for His touch, and receive freely from Him, and there will be times I barely think of Him, and receive nothing much from Him.

But through all these times, I remember that the Lord has been my Shepherd, and how He brought me back to Him. This song from HopeKids service today spoke to me a lot:

All along You were besides me
Even when I couldn’t tell
Through the years
You showed me more of You

:)

Hmm. Burdened, that I need to mature in more aspects of my life. It's not pleasant to discipline myself, but I know I need to push myself in every aspect of my life. I slept very late last night because I decided to play another round of computer games, and when HQ heard about it, he said I need to exercise more self-control.

Self-control? Hmm... haven't I heard that somewhere?

Hmm. And that's the problem. I should be mature enough to exercise self-control in something as small as this. Because it's the small things that make or break a life.

Song of Solomon 2:15
Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.

Sad. Not because I didn't exercise self-control, but because I know I disappointed God. Don't want to make Him sad... for He bought me with His very own blood to save my life.

1 Peter 1:18-19
For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.

(Nothing wrong with playing computer games to relax - it's just whether I want to devote my entire life to trival pursuits or to eternal rewards.)

Want to push myself more because of God's love for me. He loves me so much... I don't want to short-change Him!

*******
Feeling burdened too, because of someone very dear to me. Can't say much here, but felt helpless, even though I think God has assured me that He'll take care of the matter. Helpless, because I'm looking for the best way, and fearful of what's going to happen next to this person.

And I ask Him for a solution, a way, an insight... and God seems quiet on this matter.

Psalm 22:2
"O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, and am not silent."

At least I'm not alone... there are other friends who are going through very similar situations as me. Thank God for that. :) Really.

And thank You, Lord, that the Bible is so real on issues like this. I recalled Paul's exasperated exclamation when he wrote to the Corinthian church:

2 Corinthians 11:28-29
"Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?"

Yes, I do feel weak, and I do inwardly burn. Oh God. How ah? Give me love, strength, wisdom, joy and peace I pray. In Jesus' name, amen.