Discussed with Hong Teck about my new shepherd (to be confirmed). Actually, I wasn't very comfortable with his suggestion for my new shepherd, and thought through the reasons why I felt so. Fed back to Hong Teck that I'm fine with relating with that brother as a friend and a brother, but not as a shepherd. To my surprise, HT replied that the other brother also thought the same way as me.

In a way, it's been a personal breakthrough for me this past year, to voice out my thoughts as they really are, even though you feel afraid that your thoughts might not be good or correct. Personally, it took me a lot of courage, because I guess one thing about your leaders is that they do have your best interests at heart, and also do have authority to speak counsel into your life. Of course they have godly character and so on. Just that I think one doesn't have to be afraid to honestly speak your mind up if you genuinely disagree with your leader. Just do it with sincerity, respect and honour, and most of all, brotherly love. But really, it's ok to speak up and disagree honestly.

Mm. I think we shouldn't always just go along just because a leader said so, under the assumption that doing that means you are having a good spirit. I think it's very important to either follow fully, or not follow at all (until you are really convicted in your heart). Be either hot or cold, but not lukewarm. But of course, it'll be good to be hot for Jesus. =)

You never know! Your feedback might be the very input that your leader needs to have a more accurate judgement. Because you are what you are, and you are the person who - generally - understands yourself most. But of course, you need to know that you have your blind spots. I think that's why it helps to have a caregroup, a fellowship. However, if you have two or more who speak to you about a particular issue in your life, then you must take note, because every matter should be established by the testimony of two or more witnesses.

But I think, even if you agree with your leader, it's good to also ask why anyway. So that you can learn what is the reason and values behind your leader's decision. You may learn much valuable insight and principles behind your leader's reasoning. That's what the disciples also did with Jesus, asking Him what his parables meant, and so on. But be prepared. Jesus sometimes ticked his disciples off for being so slow to understand! And that may actually be true. But you know the Chinese saying: "Better to ask a question now and look stupid, than never ask and remain stupid."

Hee. =) I also learnt that this principle of honestly airing your doubts and speaking out, especially for feelers who go by intuition a lot, does help actually. It can be applied in the workplace, not only ministry. Or for that matter, relationships - both with God and people. =) Did this in the workplace, and I found that my boss and I had misunderstood each other, but thank God, because both of us spoke honestly and voiced our thoughts and expectations fully, we were able to make a fresh start. And from there, it was a whole lot better, thank God. That's why you see the email that mentions my final report. =)

Yup... hope this little journal entry also encourages you, dear friend, to speak out if you're afraid to do so. (But of course, be prudent lah... and also your listeners reserve the right of reply! ;))