Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Cure for Insecurity: The Word, the Spirit - and the Body

As my friends would know, I struggle with insecurity a lot. It doesn't help that I have the typical traits of a classical INFP, which makes it doubly hard. You get misunderstood further, because you feel so insecure, that when you try to voice it out to the other person, the other person thinks that he/she has to make you feel better - which is totally not what you meant. But the person may then feel obliged to do so and as a result, withdraw every time he/she sees you coming.

You see how this cycle of interpersonal insecurity can be so vicious?

But I think, through the years, and with God's help and personal introspection, and well, interviewing and asking other people, and even doing case studies of my insecure moments...

I think I have a good idea how to deal with insecurity. =) Hey, like Henri Nouwen said, no better healer than a wounded healer. =)

First thing. The person has to know that he/she is insecure. If he/she doesn't/won't admit the fact that he/she is insecure, then no growth can happen. That's a fundamental law of all healing.

But... the second thing is: don't then go and tell the person not be insecure. It Doesn't Work. You might as well ask the person to pick himeslf up off the ground by pulling his pants off the ground. It just doesn't work.

What about thinking positive thoughts and so on?

Frankly, from my own experience, and even scientific research, positive thinking doesn't work. It Just Doesn't. And it's not even biblical.

What did I hear you say? Not biblical? :)

Yup. Haha. Self-positive talk is the same as making yourself fly by pulling your pants off the ground. No go.

But... there is a solution.

1. The mind controlled by the Spirit. Pray for yourself. Ask the Holy Spirit to take control of your mind, and as you submit to His gentle guidance, He will help you and counsel you with beautiful truths and positive promises. He is the Wonderful Counsellor, do not forget that. Put your hope in God, not in yourself. You've tried so hard so many times - and failed. But with God, there is always hope.

2. The community of believers. In my personal opinion, I think this is where a lot of misunderstanding happens today. We get fed the unbalanced teaching that we are to totally depend on God and God alone for our breakthrough. But this really is not the case. God loves to use His church - His Body - as His primary agent of healing.

You can feel secure with God, because, well He is perfect. But with other people? Anyone with half a brain can tell you that no one is pefect, not even your mother.

So this is one reason why some people leave the safety of the church. They feel insecure and even rejected in the very communities that should be the most secure place of all on earth. The place of refuge has become the place of rejection.

This is where the community of brothers and sisters must directly affirm their love - both phileos and agape - love for the needy brother/sisters. To show grace. There's really nothing like grace, that brings life to a soul that is feeling scared of rejection because he/she didnt' meet some criteria. But you MUST embody that grace personally, in the flesh, to that brother in need. You ARE Christ in the flesh to that person. If you do not show grace, but merely tell that person that he/she must be secure... and then withdraw when the person grabs you... then are you not part of the problem instead of the healing?

You have to walk through with the sufferer the process of identifying and confronting his/her insecurity issues. But you also must be with that person too as he/she confronts the fearsome insecurities. You represent Christ Himself to that person - ambassador of Christ! You are His hands, His feet to those in need. You are part of the person's fellowship.

And you have to somehow help the person know that you care. What, no strength? Cannot be there? You're so tired yourself? Well... then what are you here for then? Ask the Holy Spirit to fill you anew. That really is what it means to minister by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Remember, insecurity is a very deep issue of the heart that can only be met by God Himself. So we need the Word, the Spirit - and the Body - in order to connect with that hole in the person's heart that is God-shaped.

Any thoughts / comments / disagreements?

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