Live for God. Because of Jesus.

Self-control (especially emotions) and not becoming panicky.
Thank God for today! Peter asked me why I was looking very panicky and anxious today. After some discussion... the main reason I panic is because I want to win people's approval. To please everyone.

He sighed. "You can't please everyone! It's not possible!"

"Yeeees. But... didn't the Bible tell us to please others?"

"What's your motive? Are you doing it because you want to win others' approval, or because it is right? You do something considerate because it is right. Not because you want to win their approval. See, the more you want to please others, the more nervous and panicky you get."

And so long I still haven't grown in this area. One of the bros wrote me a long heartfelt email to me back in 2004... this is an excerpt from his letter.

I do agree that not everyone find expectations comfortable or even encouraging, but I don't want you to see expectation as another "you have to grow" game, because it's not. Expectation and Acceptance is independent of each other. God's expectation and requirements for us is Perfect; yet so is His Acceptance and Grace and Love. Having an expectation doesn't mean I don't love you; on the contrary, it shows I do. In those I love, I disciplined the most. But I also want you to know that you are NOT living to meet my expectations, but living to please God. In all that you do, do you realize how every step along the way that God is cheering you on? Every step along your struggle is a battlefield between God and Satan, and yes, He is cheering you on.

And he concluded:

Don't live for me or for others, I certainly don't deserve it. Live for what God have put in you as your potential for significance; Live in faith; Live for God's appraisal - "Good and Faithful Servant!"

Live for God.

Very grateful to God for His love for me. I take comfort and encouragement from this promise that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion till the day of Christ Jesus.

And. I want to fight again. To mount an assault against this stronghold of approval addiction in my life this year. Because God helped me breakthrough in building close relationships in 2005, and to grow in humility and especially openness. It was a very difficult time, but I still remember the starting date: 1 Sep 2005. Hee. But, remember what you learnt from your last "campaign", YA... without Jesus, you CANNOT do it on your own. But it is the presence of Jesus that transforms your heart.

Because this is going to be a harder battle to fight. For years you've been so eager to please people, to be compliant, wanting to win their approval. Without the groundwork of a close and secure trust in God's unconditional love, and a strong support of committed brothers who are dedicated enough to speak the truth to you in love, and humility and openness to let them probe into your life... this battle cannot be won.

Because an insecure person who has a habit of constantly seeking to please others has an emotional void in his heart that must first be filled up with God's unconditional love, and the assurance of a committed support group of fellow Christians who will help you grow, even if it means hurting you emotionally.

And take heart, YA! Remember 2005 - how the Lord Jesus captured this strategic point in your heart - and now He has sent in a group of wise, close and supportive friends who love you so much that they want to see you grow to your fullest in Him. Now you are able to fight the second battle...

The beachhead has been secured, and the reinforcements sent in. So, now onward to the Second Campaign! :D

(Hee! Very imaginative, I know... but it is encouraging to see this from a bigger, cosmic perspective... literally, a God's-eye view of our battles and the war for our souls, day in and day out.)

Ok! *rolls up sleeves* To work! Looking forward to a breakthrough in 2008 for the following areas:

• Career
• Relationships
• Economic
• Spiritual
• Health

Based on the above framework... my objectives so far for 2008 are:

1. Character:
1. Self-control, esp in emotional maturity and handling my frustrations. (Long overdue!)
   
2. Learning to be more objective in my judgements - not based solely on my feelings/intuition.
2. Ministry
1. HopeKids ministry - to define and implemnt a continual process for the MM production team. Also want to make a movie for HopeKids camp... it's the test of our process. Starting from end Feb... till June.
3. Relationships
1. Emotional dependency
2. *Breaking free of my approval addiction
3. Growing closer to my parents.
4. Building closer friendships with my CG, certain brothers and some other people.
5. See my friend TH come to cross the line this year... Hee hee! HQ invited him to come to church camp this year, and TH was interested... :D PTL!
   
4. Health:
1. Jogging twice a week. Go for half-marathon with my company this year?
5. Economic:
1. Save $300 a month, $150 for insurance per month. Straightforward.
6. Career:
1. Go for OOAD course and two other training courses.
   
2. Project Management skills...
3. Earn one grade better in this year's appraisal than last year.

But YA, remember your MOTIVES. Why are you planning? Is it to win men's approval, meet their expectations that you have to plan, etc... While it's good... I do want to do this because of Jesus. Oh! You idiot, YA, pray too! Alamak. Don't forget to pray...

Live for God. Because of Jesus.