And I think God spoke to me quite a few things from there... there's a lot of good things to learn from King-to-be Saul, even though in later years he fell away from God and from his calling as king.
One question that came to mind as I read was this:
If God knew that Saul was going to fall away from Him, why did God still choose Saul to be king, and even to the point where He knew he would be grieved that He had made Saul king?
To put it another way: What was the reason(s) God chose Saul to be king? What did God see in Saul?
As I read on, this dialogue between Saul and his servant as they were looking for his dad's lost donkeys caught my eye:
4. So he passed through the hill country of Ephraim and through the area around Shalisha, but they did not find them. They went on into the district of Shaalim, but the donkeys were not there. Then he passed through the territory of Benjamin, but they did not find them.
5. When they reached the district of Zuph, Saul said to the servant who was with him, "Come, let's go back, or my father will stop thinking about the donkeys and start worrying about us."
6. But the servant replied, "Look, in this town there is a man of God; he is highly respected, and everything he says comes true. Let's go there now. Perhaps he will tell us what way to take."
7. Saul said to his servant, "If we go, what can we give the man? The food in our sacks is gone. We have no gift to take to the man of God. What do we have?"
8. The servant answered him again. "Look," he said, "I have a quarter of a shekel of silver. I will give it to the man of God so that he will tell us what way to take."
9. (Formerly in Israel, if a man went to inquire of God, he would say, "Come, let us go to the seer," because the prophet of today used to be called a seer.)
10. "Good," Saul said to his servant. "Come, let's go." So they set out for the town where the man of God was.
Realised how thoughtful Saul was, thinking about how his dad might feel. I don't even think half of the time how my mum might feel about me coming back late! And also his thinking about what gift to give the man of God.
So learnt from Saul's example about being thoughtful and considerate of others' feelings. A principle that I keep on forgetting many times. :( But observing Shawn today while having dinner with him... I realise this is one great strength of him. Sensitive, helpful and considerate. Hah, I'm pretty sure there's quite a few sisters in church who consider him a gentleman. :)
And also learnt how helpful the servant of Saul was. Saying "Look...", which means he was pointing out helpful things that he saw. And also resourceful, ready with things like silver. (Imagine. Being ready with solutions and suggestions at the tip of one's finger... what a great asset this servant would be if he were in the marketplace.) So learnt from this servant a very practical example how to be an effective supporter to my superiors and leaders, both in work and in ministry.
Ah. If you were to look at their Myer-Briggs personalities... haha, I think Saul could be an Introverted Intuition type, whereas his servant might be the Sensing/Perceiving type. Something like that. :)
There's more. Sitting in the park while having my quiet time with God... it's been a long time since I just spent time alone with Him. (Apart from the part where I was really startled by two schoolgirls tapping my shoulder, peddling ice-cream. Ice-cream in the park at 10 pm? Whoa. It's a good thing they went as a pair.)
Hee. It's a wonderful time to spend time alone with God, just looking up into the big blue night sky, to see the stars that He sprinkled over the creation of the universe, and to feel the gentle breeze. The gentle breeze of Jesus. :) And the trees and grass and flowers... :D "All things bright and beautiful..."
And while sitting still before God, He reminded me that I was worried and anxious about many things, but only one thing is needed. Hee. That tied in together with the SMS I got... that I shouldn't be so overly concerned with being "socially aware" that I forget to look to Jesus as the Prime Reason. Actually, my heart was really like Martha's - in the midst of wanting to get my "house" in perfect order for Jesus, I became so irritated that I started judging my bros and sisters for not helping me more, and asking Him, "Lord, don't You care that I'm like this? Ask this/that person to be more understanding/ help me more etc..."
At the Home of Martha and Mary
38. As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.
39. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said.
40. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
41. "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things,
42. but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
And You patiently told me, "Yeu Ann, Yeu Ann... you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed."
*******
Oh... one more thing. Was reflecting on my heart's condition recently. Think I've been proud again - to be precise, more proud than usual. 'Cos I hadn't been looking to God for strength, and looking to my own efforts instead. And other incidents. Subtly thinking myself better, more spiritual than some other brother/sister. And also not being teachable - rather, becoming emotional and defensive in spirit whenever I get feedback. Subtle bits of pride here and there. Like ugly thorns creeping out of the ground. Like how King Saul let his feelings of inferiority keep hindering him, his fear of what his men would think of him, and even his feelings of jealousy...
But thank God for His kindness. After reading my Bible and praying over the passage that I'd read, just had this impression that He wants to draw my heart's attention to this area of my life. To be truly sweet-spirited once again, to humbly accept the fact that I sin, and joyfully accept correction and feedback with a grateful heart. Not to worry about how I look like in others' eyes, but to care solely about how do I look before a holy God. And even that... I still have to go back to the Cross.
At the cross I bow my knee,
Where Your blood was shed for me,
There’s no greater love than this.
You have overcome the grave,
Your glory fills the highest place,
What can separate me now?
Maybe it really is good that I'm not what I want to be. Looking at the entire scope of things - I'm starting to think this is the best place for me, where I am right now positionally. Not so much in terms of character, for You are always calling us towards Christlikeness - no less!
But in terms of life station, in terms of ministry role, in terms of personality - perhaps this is really the place that You've called me to. To teach me humility. To let me taste daily of Your sweet grace and mercy every day. To remind me that it's not who I am or what I can do that matters in Your eyes, but the heart behind it all. And maybe... most humbling of all... to remind me that I live, love and serve solely at Your pleasure, by Your pleasure and for Your pleasure. If nobody on earth, but You, and I bring You pleasure by just believing in Your Son Jesus... oh my God, how can this be?
John 6:28-29
Then they asked him, "What must we do to do the works God requires?"
Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."
*scratches head* I don't get it. Your grace is too deep for me to understand in this lifetime.
And you've blessed me with a wonderful church, a church for all its small flaws, is still brilliantly beautiful in Your eyes. Because the people here do love Your Word. They show unconditional love and grace, especially to a sinner like me. And were it not for the church, I still would be the same old Yeu Ann ten years ago. Yes, it really is not comfortable at times, but tough love is still love by another name. :)
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