I Wish I Were the Most Popular Guy on Earth

Woke up in the morning, felt melancholic, 'cos I hadn't planned to meet anyone else up for lunch. Initially thought of meeting Tai Heng for lunch, but just felt didn't have much energy.

But I'm thankful for the refreshing time with another friend yesterday over supper. =) Ah. Must count my blessings.

Then I wondered abt my own CG. Seems like we're all doing our own things... and for that moment, I felt a sense of loneliness. But told myself that hey, a generous man will prosper, he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.

Told myself that they're busy, have their own things to do.

Then chatted with a dear bro online, and found out that one of the brothers in my CG had met up with this bro for lunch - and quite a few other ppl had joined them for lunch. To be honest, the first feeling was that of a sense of hurt and a sense of being left out, ignored even by your own CG.

Wondering why the bro from my CG didn't respond to my efforts to build friendship... despite all my efforts in the past to build r/p with him.

At that moment I just felt so tired that I had this sick feeling in my stomach. "Is it worth it?"

Then I remembered another bro who shared with me that he had felt the same feeling of rejection, of being unwanted and left out by his own CG. You'd be surprised - he's quite a friendly and cheerful guy who is socially mature.

Still, these are the moments you really wish you were more well-liked by others. That you were the most popular guy on earth. And there's this deep feeling of unwantedness...

And I must confess that it's inevitable. At work, sure... colleagues are colleagues and close friendships are the rare exception. Family... it's understood that if they don't share the same beliefs as you... there ARE bound to be differences. But in church?

*pause*

I'm trying to disentangle myself from my emotional state, take a step back and take a more sober look at the whole thing. To make sense of what You are doing here. To speak to my own attitude, my own self-centredness. It's normal... it IS the way things are... people won't or can't always appreciate the things that you do for them.

Oh. It just occurred to me that I had made a dear friend very hurt by something that I said last week... essentially I hadn't appreciated the care and concern or trusted the character of this person who poured into my life. No wonder this dear friend was very deeply hurt. But thank God for the timing. It was on the first day of the WFL course on relationships. And on the last day, I wrote this friend a card to say I'm sorry. And we talked on the phone the next day. This friend told me, he/she had struggled to forgive me, but God spoke to him/her... and I told her what I had reflected abt what I said... and I asked his/her forgiveness, and he/she told me these sweet words with a smile in his/her voice: "I forgive you."

Back to now.

I feel lost, for the moment. But God, help me make sense here. Help me just accept humbly in my heart that I am not the first person that people would want to ask out. And to count my blessings that I do have close and loyal friends whom I can count on.

And help me grow emotionally stronger through this time, no matter how much it hurts. Because You yourself were abandoned by Your disciples on the night You were betrayed...

Edited to add:
Ah. Was talking with the bro... not the CG one... and turns out in my emotional state (i was feeling tired in many ways actually), it wasn't really what I had thought it was. Ah....

Suddenly. I feel a lot better. Feelings are so damned deceptive!

Reflections:
Especially when you're feeling emotional, force yourself to stay objective about things. Ok!