Yeu Ann: Cultural Learnings of Life for Make Benefit Glorious Social of Situations

Writing this down to remind myself what Hua Qiang answered me over the phone, when I called him to ask him to ask me some questions to help me sort out some thoughts that I was thinking.

Because was thinking how come it is that for a few people, especially those who seem more blur to me, I naturally take initiative to lead the way, direct and just do things like, "We'll go here, go there." And when I am by myself, I'm pretty fine, and can do most things on my own. But when I'm with others, especially those I see as more senior / mature /capable people, I prefer to let them do the directing.

So trying to sort out these apparent inconsistencies. And Very Puzzled. So messaged HQ, "Hey bro, was thinking about some thoughts, and trying to sort them out. Hee, could you help ask me questions to help me think through them deeper? When's a good time to call you?"

The reply came back almost immediately: "Now?"

As the taxi zoomed down the expressway, I called him, and told him about my conundrum, all the way till the taxi turned into the junction of Braddell and Bishan.

Then HQ asked me thoughtfully, "Is it because you prefer to throw the responsibilities to those you see as more capable, and that makes you assume, and you don't want to take the initiative, accept the responsibilities? In a caregroup, everyone has a role and responsibilities to play."

I demurred. "Hmm... think it's because my assertiveness is naturally low, according to that Caliper personality test I took..."

He chuckled, "My assertiveness is also low mah. But you don't find me like that."

Going on, he said, "It's about two possibilities: firstly, you don't know what your responsibilities are in that situation, and the other possibility: you know your responsibilities already, but don't want to accept these responsibilities. One is about knowledge, the other is about attitude. So which one do you think it is?"

I thought about it for a while and replied, "Think it's a mixture of both."

So we went on, back and forth, a Q&A time. It was a really strengthening time, and really thank God so much for HQ's empathy. :)

"Now about expectations... hmm... for example, the Bible tell us to look to the interests of others. But that doesn't mean that we thus refuse to accept good from other people because of that. Don't get me wrong when I say that. What I mean is that the principle of looking to others' interests is not a situational thing. It's something that we all should be consistent in. Thus, the underlying principle in every situation is that. Ok, so maybe it's not so much about expectations I'm talking about here but what the biblical principles are - values, beliefs - and they all should remain consistent in every situation we are in."

And he went on:
"Regarding expectations, which is what you are expected to do in a situation (hope I quoted you correctly, HQ!), there are things to consider such as what are the resources you have available at the moment, what are the problems that need to be solved, and which directions to go.

And another meaningful quote:
"Not every one is naturally a problem-solver. But you do your best to grow in this area."

That statement encouraged me a lot. Because I felt very stressed about solving problems, and I think these words helped me accept this aspect of myself. Because I know my natural personality is not that of a problem-solver. Told him that.

"Haha... I know. For you, you tend to be very anxious. I don't think it's so much of losing focus, which you have kept on saying. There are other factors that make you 'switch off'. Anxiety is one of them. So relax, stop and take a look at what are the resources you have, the problems and what you need to do. If cannot do, then just follow the leader."

"Oh I see! Yah, think it's very true. Because when I'm stressed..."

He chortled, "Yup! So just relax, count to 10, and breath in, breath out."

I interjected, "And I can use a Bible verse to help me too here! Philippians 4:4-7!"

"And this verse too: 'Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you!'"

And we laughed heartily.

Then before I could ask him a question that was on my mind throughout the conversation, he continued:
"Now how do you know what your responsibilities are for a situation? Well, you can read books to learn more about your given responsibilities in a particular situation, whether it's from books or the Bible. For instance, you can learn more about your responsibilities in a community from one of the teachings that ... hmm... I think there was one teaching last time about this, our roles and responsibilities in a community. After that, you then apply into your situations. Finally, you can ask people for feedback on whether you're applying what you've learnt correctly or wrongly. So it's Learn - Apply - Feedback."

"I see... but what about... let's say, for example, I make someone angry, and he has a black face... you know, I'm afraid that he'll blast me for that."

"Oh, then you ask other people about him lor. Don't have to ask him directly. Haha!"

*******
So that's that for today's learning experiences. It was a great relief, and think three of the most practical things that I can apply immediately are:

- Calm down when i'm in tight situations - i get very prone to 'switching off'. Use the Word of God to help 'cool' me down... :D

- Find out more about my responsilities in a situation.

- And take initiative in what I already know are my responsibilities.


Thank You Lord for teaching me something new today! :D In Jesus' name, Amen!