The Making of a Friendship

Read this article on how to build a real friendship - especially for men. It's an excellent article.

When I read this, a question came to my mind, that a sister asked me some time ago: "How do I find a close friend?"

That's a very good question... because the fact is, there are some friends you've been with for years, but are not close, and some friends whom you've only met for a few days, and yet you know that this is one friend who shares the same heartbeat as you.

"Shares the same heartbeat as you." Think that is the critical ingredient in making a Friendship. In The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis described the difference between Romantic Love and Friendship Love this way:

- Lovers walk together, looking into each other's eyes.
- Friends walk together, looking to the destination/vision ahead.

More simply, it would be, if you find someone who shares the SAME values, vision and passion... a friendship is born! As Lewis put it so funnily: Friendship begins when one says, "What! You too? And all along I thought I was the only one."

Hee. I remember some of the close friendships that I formed in church over the years... and how some drifted apart. I know, because we eventually walked different paths that God called us to, so even though we see each other regularly, the friendship's not so deep now.

Think last time I would have been very upset about losing the closeness of a friendship, but now, with God's help, I've learnt to see the purpose of a friendship from His perspective. A friendship that honours God is one that helps both of us draw nearer to God. Like how Jonathan helped David, in his most difficult times, draw strength from God. And also, just as importantly, helps us fulfill God's destiny for our lives. Like how Ruey Fong encouraged me and helped me discover my calling to minister to children. And spurred me on to be all that I can be for Jesus! :)

Wow. I really don't treasure RF enough. =) He really is a gift from God - there's no other way it could have been. Normal friendships are nice, but friendships with Christ in the centre... wow, that is so wonderful!

And think that's the sum of it ultimately - a good friendship is really a gift from God - you can't ever buy or earn or work or beg for friendship - it must be given freely. It really is a grace of God.

In any case, when we meet finally for ever and ever in the Golden City, the New Jerusalem, we'll never be parted again for all eternity. :D

"Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

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BTW do read The Four Loves if you haven't yet! :)

Synopsis
C.S. Lewis's famous inspirational work on the nature of love. C.S. Lewis's famous work on the nature of love divides love into four categories: Affection, Friendship, Eros and Charity. The first three are loves which come naturally to the human race. Charity, however, the Gift-love of God, is divine in its source and expression, and without the sweetening grace of this supernatural love, the natural loves become distorted and even dangerous.

And, "Christian History Corner: J. R. R. Tolkien and C. S. Lewis, a Legendary Friendship"

Our world would be poorer without two other worlds: Narnia and Middle-earth. Yet if two young professors had not met at an otherwise ordinary Oxford faculty meeting in 1926, those wondrous lands would still be unknown to us.

British author Colin Duriez, who wrote the article "Tollers and Jack" in issue #78 of Christian History, explains why this is so in his forthcoming book Tolkien and C. S. Lewis: The Gift of Friendship (Hidden Spring). Duriez tells the story of how these two brilliant authors met, discovered their common love for mythical tales, and pledged to bring such stories into the mainstream of public reading taste.

Tolkien and Lewis shared the belief that through myth and legend—for centuries the mode many cultures had used to communicate their deepest truths—a taste of the Christian gospel's "True Myth" could be smuggled past the barriers and biases of secularized readers.