Wow. Humbled, because I realised that I really don't know that much - super rusty and super lacking. And i'm not as intellectually powerful as i thot I was. Just in time - because i'm meeting Guan Zhen tml to discuss apologetics ideas. Think God brought this guy in at a very timely moment, to humble me and to let me know that I really don't know as much as I thought I know.
So can really learn from my friend, how he reads a lot to find out more. But honestly, looking at the evidence and thinking about how to reply to his evidence, I need to remember that I was a skeptic before, and found it hard to believe in the existence of a God, for quite a few reasons - including bad experiences with the church before and unanswered prayers for the healing of my ears.
And the funny thing is, I was a firm believer in Darwinist evolution too, even when I became a Christian. Somehow, I read thru the Origin of Species (well, part of it), peered thru Dawkin's The Selfish Gene, enjoyed Asimov's books and so on... and yet I couldn't shake off the nagging thought that there simply must be someone, Someone greater out there.
And also, I had questions about the issue of different denominations, etc. and different beliefs even in supposedly the same faith - Christianity - as my friend asked me, "there are 36000 protestant denominations .. which one has the Holy Spirit?" not to mention the split between the Protestant and the Catholic churches... the religious wars that followed the split.
So, unanswered prayers, i didn't see God with my own eyes, a firm believer in evolution, bad experiences with church for many years, nagging questions about inconsistencies among the huge number of denominations in Christianity... when people asked me whether i'm a Christian or tried to share with me, I quickly evaded the topic...
Lord, how did I ever become a Christian?
Hmm... thinking about it... I think it's because, for all my doubts and fears and questions, i'm so glad that i decided to just stick on and have faith in this Jesus, whoever He was, that He is the Son of God. I didn't have all the answers, but if what the other Christians said was true, Christ can turn your life around.
And He did answer me. He told me the very reason why He didn't choose to show Himself visibly to me, thru a particular verse in the Bible. I experienced a strange and wonderful change in my heart and behaviour that couldn't be explained by my own human strength - i had failed so many times before. Coincidences started happening in my life at very timely moments (some of them are simply, simply too timely to be coincidences). And over time, I realised why the prayers for my hearing-impaired ears weren't answered as I would have wanted them to be... and the various "inconsistencies" that I was thinking about, as I read the Bible more, eventually resolved themselves.
There's many things yeah, but I think the ex-blind man said it so well: "Whether [this Jesus guy] is a sinner or not, I don't know. One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!"
Oh! :) Reminded of one of my favourite Narnia stories. From Narnian Musings 14 - Burnt Marshwiggle, Craig S William comments:
In The Silver Chair, C.S. Lewis comments on the enchanting hold that modernist thought has exercised over the Christian faith. Modernity promised that our technological and scientific expertise had the power to elevate and even 'save' human life. The modern movement sold itself as being free from emotional bias and influence. Facts were going to be the way of the future and with a scientific method that eliminated much of our subjective reasoning we were on our way to a bigger and better world. Our time, a postmodern time, is pointing out that, though there have been some remarkable technological advances the human condition is not largely improved. The argument could be made that we are further from the Enlightenment goals of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, than when these 18th century values were raised up.
Lewis takes on the limits of rationality and addresses the problem in this the fourth book of Narnia. In a reasonable way, Lewis challenges a worldly orientation that would remove all signs of God in favor of reason.
Once Jill and Scrubb (Eustace's nickname) have been reunited and set on their task, they meet up with one of Lewis's most creative characters. They meet Puddleglum, the Marshwiggle. As his name would suggest, he is a bit more like Eyore than Tigger, a dour soul who sees the dark cloud before any silver lining. And as his species suggests, he has more amphibious qualities than human characteristics about him. Though as tall as a human, he's a cold-blooded type of creature. Puddleglum becomes the children's guide and companion as they seek to save the lost Prince Rilian. The Prince has been under the spell of the Emerald Witch who commands the realm of Underworld. There is no sun or stars or grass in this dark underground kingdom. The children and Puddleglum find the Prince, but also the Witch and fall under her enchantment as well.
In their struggle to keep from being totally bewitched, the companions try to describe where they are from, Overworld. It gives them hope to think of their homeland and it has some power to counteract the Witch's spell which is accompanied by a soft thrumming music with a warm fire and heavy sweet smelling incense.
The first thing the companions try to describe is the sun. The Witch asks that they tell her what they mean. The Prince responds that it is like the lamp that hangs from the ceiling, only much bigger and brighter. She asks the Prince what it is that the sun hangs from and the Prince has difficulty describing it. She concludes that they are like children having a go at make-believe. They have seen a lamp and now they are making up the idea of a bigger and better lamp and calling it the sun. In reality, she says, this is only a dream. (When you read Freud's The Future of an Illusion you get the same arguments!)
Next they mention the name of Aslan. This makes the Witch anxious but she continues her steady strumming and speaking. They tell her he is a lion. She asks them what a lion is. When they say, 'Have you ever seen a cat?' she once again suggests that they have made up the idea of a lion by imagining a bigger and better cat. Again, just wishful thinking.
After all this haggling the companions are nearly completely under her spell. They begin to agree that there is no Overworld - only the Witch's Underworld. Then Puddleglum does a brave thing. He rallies his nerve and awakens enough to go over and stamp out the fire with his webbed feet. In doing so three things happen:
1. The smell of burnt Marshwiggle begins to awaken everyone.
2. The Witch breaks off with her strumming and humming and screams.
3. The pain clears Puddleglum's mind most of all.
Then Puddleglum speaks.
"One word, Ma'am," he said, coming back from the fire; limping, because of the pain. "One word. All you've been saying is quite right, I shouldn't wonder. I'm a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face on it. So I won't deny any of what you said. But there's one more thing to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things - trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one…That's why I'm going to stand by the play world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia."
Enlightenment thinking and reasoning pressured the church into believing that the old categories weren't strong enough to hold out against all that humankind was learning. The new science was discovering things that the biblical witness couldn’t account for, and we needed to begin making our arguments to science. It is Leander Keck's line that I use for my own purposes here, that the church needed to make God palatable to the world. We began to play by the rules of the culture. The interesting thing is that if we play by the cultural rules of reason, then our results will be measured by those standards. God does not measure the way we do. "My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways," says the Lord. (Isaiah 55:8)
When we decided we needed to be rationalistic in our proofs for God, we abandoned our main story. We began to give evidence to demand verdicts. We spoke of the faith as though it were something to be learned in law school or the science lab. We lost our way because we forgot our homeland. This is what our companions remember. And when Puddleglum suggests that their made up world beats the Witch's so called, real world, hands down, a cheer goes up. He's nailed it.
Christians have tried to make the Gospel of Jesus Christ palatable to the rules of human endeavor. Instead what we have needed to do is to live out the faith in profound ways. This is what Tod Bolsinger's book is about in some ways. The integrity of the faith is hard to come by. We recommend the faith to others because it is true. It is truly the best way to understand our existence and the existence of the universe. Modernity tries to get us to prove this in some scientific methodology of facts presented to be voted up or down. Our task is to try to live in to our story as best we can and present it as the one hopeful alternative. Post modernity is open to competing narratives of the way things are. Under modern rules we tried to trump science by appealing to scientific methods with faith facts. It was a doomed undertaking. The church under modern thought kept trying to make God palatable to modern tastes and thought processes. Post modernity at least has given everyone some breathing room. How has this happened? Well, the easiest way of seeing this is to say that the modern experiment hasn't delivered what was promised. Nor can it. This allows for all other stories to be heard on equal footing, including Christianity.
One thing that we must be careful of is not submitting to modern rules again. We cannot make the argument for the faith from a superior position, as though our facts are indisputable compared to others. We must adopt the posture of Jesus in addressing humanity. We come humbly are open and serving and dying. No high-handed manipulation. No oppressive authoritarianism. Simple service will do. It is the way of Jesus.
I'm reminded of "Pascal's wager" at this point. [My paraphrase] If I bet on the Gospel of Jesus Christ and am proved wrong, I lose nothing. But if I wager against it, and it is true, I am most to be pitied.
This is Puddleglum. He determines that even if his world is made-up it is better than any reality he has been shown by the Witch. The truth is he has a vision of reality that will punch holes in this illusion being offered.
May we all live as like Narnians as we can.
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