Learning experiences:
What God helped me be aware of today:
- my constant negative ranting and anxiety to others...
- my getting carried away when talking about myself

And what Peter told me over the phone after I shared with him my frustration at my self-centredness that I find it so hard to overcome:

"It's a process."

On talking about myself: "Don't get carried away."

Be sensitive: make sure the other person can understand what you are saying. Don't lapse into jargon.

Also be very careful about the motive behind using jargon.

You could be showing off how much you know.

:)

Re: my disappointments with myself: his patient reminder: "Don't dwell on it. You only waste time, and it drains you."

He advised me to go back and read chapter 1 of "The Life You've Always Wanted" again.

Read it. And was encouraged. Re-read the part about humility. Realise that there's this pride in me again.

Wow, so thankful to Daddy that He pointed out these things to me. It's not easy to grow, but one of my greatest wishes this year is to grow more approachable. I guess at the heart of it all, is a desire to be liked and wanted by others. :) Hmm. Yeah, I guess there's this insecurity in me, but frankly, I don't care, because I do desire to build more close relationships with others.

Hmm. I guess, after reading the book, was reminded... God has already accepted me for who I am, and He'll help transform me as I continue to walk with Him daily - I am not alone in this struggle to grow. So hee, yes, I gladly admit that I am incorrigibly self-centred through and through... but now that I realise that God loves me so much that He died for me on the cross, it motivates me to want to die to my self-centred nature daily... even if it means wrestling with it all my life.

Think this verse speaks very sharply into my current heart condition:
"For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again." (2 Cor 5:14-15)

Hmm. One reason I really hate this self-centered nature of mine is (ironically) for a self-centered reason - I want to build close relationships with people. And people don't like self-centred people. As Joyce pointed out, in the workplace, it's harder to love the self-centred people.

Haiz. I'm very sleepy now. Spent two hours thinking, and thinking about all these, trying to make sense of these experiences that I've been through, and erm, actually, I'm still quite blur. Sorry if it's a mish-mash, I bo-chup lah!

But shall close here with Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding - in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." :)