Reading a lot of books - Essence of Love Vol. II

Inspired by Vincent's postings of his book reviews, and Alan's encouraging us to read as much as we can, think I'll post a few of my own. :)

Hee, actually, I've just finished this book, Essence of Love Vol. II, which you can get from Hope Resources. It's on struggles with sexual temptations and sins, and also, how to build healthy relationships with the opposite gender.

Some things that I learnt from this book:
1. Lust isn't just a male problem. Women also have. It's just that male lust is the desire to physically "have" a woman, which objectifies the woman, making her a mere "object" rather than a human being. And female lust is the emotional kind, one that seeks to seduce and manipulate a man to fulfill her emotional desires.

So it's not wrong to have a healthy attraction for the other gender - it's just that our God-given sexual desires can become corrupted and get out of hand, thereby ruining people's lives and even health.

2. Sexual addiction is a serious problem, not only because it's morally wrong, but also because it, like alcoholism or drug addiction, literally enslaves the addict, whereby the addict gets so hooked that he/she can't control his/her intake... it becomes the no. 1 obsession, destroying the person's worklife, relationships, normal physical health, etc.

3. Be aware of the subtle triggers that causes you to stumble into sexual addiction. Triggers need not only be external e.g. a sexually titillating picture, a subtle touch or sweet talk from a man, etc; they can also be internal e.g. loneliness, disappointment, etc.

Hmm... and for the exciting part ... haha... building healthy relationships with the other gender :)

Well, in a nutshell, the important thing is to treat the other gender as friends first and foremost. It's not a mere social courtesy thing - it helps to protect both sides emotionally, mentally and even physically.

And even if there's the "click" and chemistry between both sides, don't rush, take time to build up the friendship further. One piece of advice from this book struck me in particular: Our conversations - are they Christ-centred or needs-oriented?

I'm not saying that when the guy and girl meet up, they should talk about nothing but heaven and angels and God knows what else... haha... I think even God Himself would bend down and tell them, "Aiyah, don't be so 'spiritual' lah!!! I brought you two together..." ;D

But it's important to remember, especially for us Christians, to remember that at the end of it all, it's really about building up a strong and enduring friendship that will last for all of life. And in heaven, there's no such thing as marriage. Sounds bad at first, but think about it, in heaven, we shall know each other FULLY, even better than the closest husband and wife can do so on earth. There are things that'll blow our minds up there in heaven - it's just too wonderful to describe.

And after all, I read the testimonies of old, old couples... the thing they all have in common are that they are each other's best FRIENDS. :) Of course, it's not just about friendships, but also about taking care of one another, helping one another grow... come to think of that, isn't that what friendship is all about? :)

And the men should be the ones who take the initiative to build the relationships wif the women. It's really much, much better this way, and besides, (I think) most women naturally prefer the men to take the initiative to reach out to them. It feels nice too, you know. :) (I'm not a woman lah, but I think, having a mum and two sisters does help quite a bit haha) In context, it's not only about building relationships for marriage or what, but also friendships in general.

Think I'm very blessed to have close friends who happen to be sisters - they've encouraged me a lot, and having female friends benefit me in the sense that I can express myself the emotional side of me more often with them rather than with male friends. Thru them, I learn the importance of treasuring relationships and just spending time together talking and sharing.

But the good side of having male friends is that I can enjoy healthy debates, firm discussion, challenging one another to be more driven, etc... For instance, Robert, Huanyan and Ruey Fong are wonderful buddies to me, because I really feel very refreshed everytime they share enthusiastically about their visions and dreams... :D it's really a blessing to be their friend! :D

So we need to build healthy relationships with both genders in order to develop ourselves more holistically.