Wednesday, January 31, 2007

gratefully shocked

Looking thru this entry - realised it's the same thing I wrote about a week or two ago. Hmm...

******

Feeling ... wordless. Not worthless, but wordless. Wordless, because the truth of my weakness and sin is so clear, there's no words to cover it up.

Same old argument with my mum - but this time i have a better understanding what led to it.

She was angry that i wasn't helping her with her work as much as she wants, and i was angry, because if she needs help, then she should say so lor!

But after the time with Peter, and what he told me, pointing out to me that I need to grow in being more sensitive to people's needs - I see the truth, that I was being very, very, very insensitive to her burden and tiredness, not bothering to look at her needs.

Some bros and sisters have said that I'm very sensitive to their needs. Peter told me that I'm very weak in understanding people's needs. What gives?

Think it's sensitivity to feelings, but I don't bother to apply it at home. The old adage "Charity begins at home" is so true. What's the point of being so caring in church if I'm not caring at home? The Kingdom of God doesn't only apply to church... it applies at HOME!

God, I'm incredibly bo-chup and insensitive and inconsiderate at home. Please help me change and grow in this area. Same old cycle again, because of this weakness. I must progress in this area - set a goal of anticipating my mum's needs esp her workload... and come back earlier to help her!

God, this is so ... tiring. Uphill climb.
But if I can't take care of my parents, how can I take care of my future family? And the Bible adds very clearly - if I can't take care of my own family, how can I take care of God's family, His church?

Sobering. But glad. Felt like I was splashed with cold water when I realised the truth - that's how I'm feeling now. Shocked, but gratefully shocked into soberness.

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