Saturday, June 20, 2009

Skit: Dyeing To Hear You!

Thanks to the classic Abbott and Costello skit for the inspiration... And there's some extra lines I put in. The original HopeKids skit is shorter.

Ee Meng: Morning, Mark! Where're you going to today?

Mark: Good morning Ee Meng! I'm going to that dye factory. My uncle's dyeing there.

Ee Meng: (digs her ear and cups hand around ear) Sorry Mark? I can't hear you! I forgot to clean out my ears today!

Mark: (loudly and more slowly) SEE THAT DYE FACTORY? MY UNCLE IS DYEING THERE!

Ee Meng: (wide-eyed with shock) Oh my goodness! Your uncle's dying and he still has to work?

Mark: Work? Of course he has to work! It's the rule of the factory!

Ee Meng: I can't believe it! How can they make a man work while dying?

Mark: But he IS supposed to dye while working!

Ee Meng: But couldn't they at least let him go back home to die?

Mark: (wide-eyed) Of course not! It'd be terribly messy to dye at home!

Ee Meng: That's true! But then just where is he supposed to die then?

Mark: Well, if he wants to dye, he has to do it in the factory.

Ee Meng: Imagine! A guy can't even die in his own home.

Mark: Well, my uncle can't dye at home. Obviously!

Ee Meng: So you mean he has to die at work?

Mark: Well, he's been dyeing ever since he started working.

Ee Meng: What kind of work could be so bad that he starts dying?!

Mark: I've told you already Ee Meng. Listen carefully. (very slowly and clearly) My uncle dyes for a living.

Ee Meng: (scratches her head) Wait. Let me see if I heard you correctly. You mean your uncle dies for a living.

Mark: That's right. My uncle has to dye in order to live. Because if he doesn't dye, he doesn't get paid! And if he doesn't get paid, he doesn't get to eat! Simple as that!

Ee Meng: (eyes wide-open) You mean your uncle gets paid to die?

Mark: Yup. One piece at time.

Ee Meng: (eyes even wider) You mean he dies piece by piece?

Mark: Yup! He does it by hand.

Ee Meng: Gosh. Erm... what does he use to die with?

Mark: Clothes and chemicals. And a tub of water too I think.

Ee Meng: Oh dear... oh dear...

Mark: (surprised) Well, yes, I guess there's a lot of smelly chemicals he has to use.

Ee Meng: Horrible, horrible!

Mark: Aiyah, it's like that one. Anyway he has to do it so that he can earn some food to eat.

Ee Meng: (astonished) You mean your uncle eats after he dies?

Mark: Of course. He does his dyeing in the morning, and then gets up and goes for lunch to eat. Then he goes back to dye some more.

Ee Meng: (disgusted look and puts hands on hips and points finger accusingly at Mark) It must be the food that's killing him! I knew he shouldn't have eaten at your coffeeshop!

Mark: (exasperated and yanks his own hair in frustration) No, no, no! Dyeing is hard work! My uncle has to stand around the whole day dyeing. (sticks out palms in a "don't you get it now" gesture)

Ee Meng: (stunned) You mean he has to stand up dying?

Mark: (wide-eyed) Of course! Did you ever hear of anyone lying down to dye?

Ee Meng: (confused) All the people I ever knew. They use the standard way.

Mark: (even more confused) C'mon! My uncle can't lie down while dyeing! The boss will think he's sleeping!

Ee Meng: (raises an eye) But, Mark, he would be sleeping since he's DEAD!

Mark: Dead??? (pauses while thinking... look of realization!) Wait... Ee Meng, were you thinking that my uncle is DYING? No, you idiot!

(bonks Ee Meng on the head)

(speaks quickly)

Listen carefully, Ee Meng! When I said my uncle is dyeing, I didn't say that he is dying like a person dies when he dies. I meant he's dyeing for a living. So he's living, even though you think he's dying!

Ee Meng: Hur??? Let me see if I understood you correctly, Mark.

(speaks quickly)

When you said your uncle is dyeing, you didn't say that he is dying like a person dies when he dies. You meant he's dyeing for a living. So he's living, even though I think he's dying!

Mark: That's right!

Ee Meng: (look of utter confusion) Man, I don't even know what I'm talking about! I GIVE UP! (faints)

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Host: Yes, kids, our Powerpoint Today is “Listen to what people are really saying

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