"You have to allow your yes to be yes and then be disciplined to go fulfill your promises. Your shine and influence depends on your reputation as a promise keeper."

(Disclaimer: What I wrote below are my emotional thoughts. I find it helps me to pen down my thots, even the negative ones, so that I can take them captive more easily. It's a bit hard to take thoughts captives if you don't confess and lay them plainly out, I think. And i don't do positive-thinking-talk... I just do the Psalmist-talk. :) [Man, I love the Psalms. So real and raw... and having faith in God even when you've lost faith in yourself.])

Feel lousy because I know I've broken so many deadlines and promises. Slowness be damned.

This is why ministry only belongs to those who are faithful. To those who can meet deadlines.

I can't meet deadlines, therefore I shouldn't serve any more.

I know... this is ranting. I just ... am not good at meeting deadlines.

Think I have to find something else to do.

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Added:
Hmm... does God use only people who are fast and efficient?

Maybe.

- no, rationally this doesn't make sense... but i am airing out my inner thoughts here. -

Depressed.

Lesson of the story?

I must learn to say no, and not take up any responsibilities. It's safer and less disappointing that way for everyone.