I was very frustrated, because even though I had intended to sleep earlier so that I can rise earlier... somehow, I dilly-dallied and did stuff here and there till the wee hours of the morning.
I shared with Hong Teck and Peter my frustration about being late YET ONCE AGAIN... and I also shared with God how frustrated I felt. So frustrated, that I started singing a song to God about my frustrations. LOL.
But Peter was very encouraging. He smsed back: "...take heart dont let this setback beat you to pulp. Pick youself up :) go to [God] like david let [God] refresh you bah"
And Hong Teck also encouraged me too, reminding me that we slip and fall. But that doesn't mean it's the end.
I was very touched by their encouraging and kind words. It was very timely. Because I shared later on in the day with a dear friend about our struggle with guilt. Shared my experience this morning as a testimony of God's mercy and grace.
Then on my way back home, I saw this article that Weizhu had sent me a few days ago. The words are so timely!
I encourage you not to think of yourself as a dirty person who can't be used by God. We all blow it at times, but that doesn't change the fact that, at the core of your being, you are clean because of what Christ has done for you.
A good illustration of this fact is an incident that happened with Jesus and His disciples when they were in the upper room together. He was about to wash the feet of the disciples. Peter protested over Jesus' assuming such a lowly position of servanthood and said to Him, "There is no way I'm going to let you wash my feet!" Jesus answered him, "If you don't you won't be involved in the plan I have in mind." Peter then blurted out, "Then go for it! Wash me from head to toe! I'm in!"
Jesus' response to Peter here is instructive. He said to him, "If you've had a bath in the morning, you only need your feet washed now and you're clean from head to toe. My concern, you understand, is holiness, not hygiene. So now you're clean."
The point Jesus was making was that Peter was not a dirty person. He simply had dirt on him at that moment, dirt that needed to be wiped off. There is a big difference between the two. Do you see it? Just because you sometimes get dirt (sinful thoughts, feelings, or even actions) on you doesn't mean that you've morphed into a dirty person.
I'm not minimizing the seriousness of sin here. Nobody enjoys the aftereffect of a roll in the dirt. The point I'm making is, you don't have to let it wreck your life by believing you're a bad person God can't use. Don't cheat yourself out of the thrill of living in the carefree abandon of faith.
So as I reflect, I think God is graciously encouraging me not to be discouraged. That I need not fear people who may misunderstand and condemn me for my failures. I received so much grace for my failures. So I should also show others the same grace I have received from God. This is true spirituality. Ministering to one another out of our brokennesses.
Henri Nouwen said that there is no better healer than a wounded healer. :)
The timing also. I think God may be indicating to me that harder times lie ahead. But He has promised His grace for the times ahead. This is part of His training me to grow into godliness and holiness. Also, as an assurance that ultimately, He has made me right with Him. Like the song that we sang in HopeKids today: "Yes, by the cross we've truly been transformed."
Timely too, because the past two weeks had been a heavy time for me in the heart. A lot of old memories, and my own failures and sins, started piling up on top of me. And the burdens of these memories made me stagger in sadness.
I knew He forgave me all my sins, but the fallout and the charred landscape were still there. Wondered what God would do, if He was willing. And also lots of sadness over my own patterns and character flaws. Felt helpless as I saw myself repeating the same old patterns.
But God's encouragement was so timely. :) Keep going on. God is cheering you and me on! Everyone of us have our unique battles to fight. We have our own loads to carry. But let's not condemn or judge one another, but help carry each other's burdens, and in this way we will fulfill the law of Christ.
Also another lesson I learnt just now from my reflections is that God can use my unique struggles as a testimony to encourage my brothers in Christ. That they are not alone. Twice in the past two weeks, I had the opportunity to encourage my sheep, and a dear brother who is currently not in any church.
About the brother not in any church. He shared with me some of his fears and disappointments that kept him from committing. Wow. 'Cos some of the things that had happened to me recently were in the same category as his own struggles. So I shared with him. And he was listening.
After that, on our way back home, he then asked me when my service was. Told him it's on Sunday. He's still got a project and some work to clear first. But thank God so much that He can use my experiences to encourage another bro struggling.
There's so much hope to be found in Him! He takes even the most painful moments of our lives and transforms them into marvellous bandages of mercy to heal the broken-hearted. He turns our sorrows into joys! His power really is made perfect in weakness. Praise the name of our Lord Jesus Christ!
Aye-men! :)
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