Wow. It's been a really wonderful week last week. Just want to share some thanksgiving points about what the Lord has been doing in my life recently...

1. Work
Thank God so much for His intense grace and mercy - He really blessed me in the appraisal. As I was sharing with Joyce last week, God showed me so much kindness... He granted me favour with my RO, who affirmed me for the work and video that I did for the company. Praise and glory to the Lord indeed! Hee. In fact, my RO wrote in his report that I am an asset to the company and that I have integrity and commitment (two of my company's core values)... in fact, he really wanted to recommend me for promotion (but he couldn't due to HR policy that I have to work for a min. period first). Wow... actually, I'm sharing this not because I'm good or capable (God knows I'm far, far, far from all these...) but I'm really so happy that I can promote the name of Christ. I don't want my name to be promoted... No! I want to promote the Name of Jesus Christ alone! I want His name to be exalted above all blessing and praise! Yes and amen!

Wow. This is truly, truly and wonderfully God's grace to me indeed... It's been more than a year since I started working, and it's been an up-and-down experience. Sometimes it felt like a roller-coaster, other times it felt more like scaling a mountain and then descending a valley. But through it all, I saw how God was leading me and guiding me. It's so true what Psalm 23 describes... not just God's goodness, but also God's presence. And it's that precious Presence that I really treasure so much, and that I desperately need so much.

2. Relational
And the day of my birthday, I was praying to my Daddy in heaven, just sharing with Him my thoughts and reflections... when He pointed out to me that people see me as too emotional sometimes. He said that it is not because I actually am, but because they don't understand the reason why I'm being so open, so they won't know where I'm actually coming from. Father told me that He knows that I see the importance of being real and open with people... but I need to do it with a healthy dose of wisdom and to the right people, otherwise, they'll misunderstand and even reject me.

I was very surprised by this revelation, and I talked with my shepherd about this on the phone. He said that's true. He explained to me that we are to be real - but with a healthy dose of wisdom. Otherwise if we choose to be open with the wrong kind of people (even in church), then they may misunderstand and hurt us... just like throwing pearls to pigs.

Initially, I felt embarrassed, but after introspecting, I realise that just as others misunderstood me many times when I chose to be real, I now see that it is so important not to pass judgement on a person alone by his/her behaviour... because most of the time - despite what we think - we really don't know what underlies the reason for his/her behaviour. We may not fully know... but we can seek to understand more, with God's love and grace. Man looks at the outwards appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.

And I realised that I also misunderstand and judge others too. Gosh, the plank in my eye is BIG. So I need to take out the plank in my own eye so that I can show much more grace and mercy to others, just as God has shown me grace and mercy. Amen! :)

Thank God for Peter, who helped me analyze and understand... that some of the experiences and disappointments are actually not my fault... I just have to persevere and endure through them. In his birthday card to me, one thing that he described me as was:

"Amazing: Well, you really amazes me, after all your disappointments and difficulties of various kinds, you juz keep going. Really hats off. This is one area i see God really working strongly in your life. HE makes you amazing."

:) Yah, thank God truly. Not I, but Christ, who lives in me! :)

3. Emotional
Then, thinking about it... emotional stability. You know, I think God really is answering my prayer to grow in emotional stability. Actually, a few weeks ago, I got scolded by my team leader. Part of what he said was very true, while the rest was due to some misunderstanding and miscommunication. But wow, really amazing how God transformed my emotional response. I went to the toilet to pray, and asked God to give me humility, wisdom and also, grace and mercy... and am really thankful to God too that my team leader cared enough to type such a long email. It's very rare to have good colleagues like my team leader.

So after praying, I talked with my team leader on the phone. And I was very surprised to see how the Spirit enabled me to respond with maturity and grace. Able to calmly listen and take in what he was feeding back to me... this kind of transformation is so different from last time, even a year ago. And at the end of all the feedback, I actually thanked him for scolding me, telling him I really appreciate it. Gosh. Haha... but it is really so beautifully true that if we are in Christ, we are a new creation - the old has gone; the new has come! Amen! :)

Also, God has been showing me so many areas of my life, and helping me understand the fears and expectations that I have... and not just that, He showed me how deceptive these fears are, and that as a child of God, I have the power to love, heal and forgive... to become more and more like His dear Son. And also how deceptive my insecurities are... often I feel or think people are like this and that... but the truth is actually that they were not this or that... Wow. "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." AMEN!

And something amazing yesterday! I responded to the altar call about making God's priorities my priorities... and Chee Hau was there. He prayed for me, and then he sensed that God wanted to tell me that my heart is still holding on to some bitterness and past hurts... so Chee Hau led me through a special prayer. At first, I thought, "Huh? Past hurts? I don't think so leh..." and also felt, Not again God... is there something wrong with me?

But as I prayed the prayer, as Chee Hau prayed, "Lord, I let go of the hurts in my heart..."... I prayed, "Lord, I let go of the hurts...", at that very moment, tears came to my eyes, and there really was a sense of something deeply hurt deep within. Perhaps it felt like a thick scab being peeled off an old wound. I was surprised, because I couldn't recall any specific hurts.

But, later on, after the team rally, Huaqiang told me that he was praying for me a few days before. And the Lord had impressed on him that I have some old hurts in my heart - and He showed HQ the specific area where the hurts were related to. HQ was very surprised at the impression, and he was not sure whether it really was from the Lord or not, so he just told me.

Whoa. I told him, "Bro, this is exactly the same thing that Chee Hau prayed for me today! wow... God must really really love me... He sent me not one, but TWO godly brothers to pinpoint this hurt..." HQ was amazed haha... and he told me the specific area. And then while he was telling me what the specific area was, suddenly, flashbacks came clearly - old recurring dreams that I have from time to time about this hurt... it was so like a movie haha.

So am so deeply amazed by God's great love for me... He truly has come to heal the brokenhearted, and set the captives free! HALLELUJAH! Sing praises to our God, sing praises to Him! He heals the broken-hearted, binding up their wounds... it is good to bless His holy name!

So am praying, asking God to show me more about this hurt... I think He will show me gradually more and more. And not just so, I think even this hurt is going to form part of His perfect plans... knowing about about this hurt will make me an even more effective minister to others who have likewise been wounded... there is no better healer than a wounded healer. And Jesus Christ is our Wounded Healer - "...and by His wounds we are healed."

Oh gosh. Recalling all this... my heart is so immensely grateful to Jesus. I mean, I can't stop tearing as I write this (and I'm typing this in a public place... paiseh!). His love is intensely so deep, so wide, so long and so high... Such love as this! my God! how can this possibly be! and yet... it is Love Himself that I now see.

Haha. Very exciting. Just sense that God is going to really mature me this year and help me really grow and breakthrough in emotional stability. My most earnest and eager hope is to let others see how God's power is made perfect in my weaknesses - especially in this area of emotional maturity, so that everyone may see that Jesus Christ is real, and HE lives in me. Not I, but Christ!

"For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The live I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me!"

4. Ministry
Anyway, also want to share how God's been really fuelling me up to serve Him with excellence in ministry... Last week, Hong Teck assigned me to do acting for the HopeKids appetizer skit (it's something to catch the attention of the kids when the service starts)... I was supposed to be a CEO, and then a superhero. Haha. So I decided to dress up for the skit. Actually, felt very paiseh, 'cos having to prepare a very cheesy superhero "costume" in front of all the kids (i made a home-made mask and wore a red shirt as a cape... even thought of wearing red underwear on the outside of my pants... but decided it's a bit much). As I got ready to go down on Sunday morning, I exclaimed to God, "Lord, this is going to be really paiseh... hahah! It's really so not me... but Lord! The only reason I'm going to all this extent in dressing up and rehearsing and looking like an idiot in front of all the kids, is because I want to have a spirit of excellence... Lord, I'm doing all this - because of You Jesus!"

Haha! How the skit went... I just did my best, and thank God, think it was all right. :) The kids definitely remembered my acting as the CEO... because I used REAL $50 notes as a prop. LOL. That's how to catch the attention of today's children... hahaha... (haiz). :P

5. Outreach
Last week, Peter Truong (a pastor from Hope Bangkok) came by to minister to us. From what I know, he has the gift of healing. So HQ messaged me yesterday, asking whether I have any friends who I'd like to invite for the healing session, so that they can have an opportunity to witness God's power.

Wasn't sure who among my friends would be interested, and to be honest, I'd attended quite a number of healing rallies before, both when I wasn't a Christian yet and even after that. And since my hearing hasn't been restored yet, gosh, to be honest, there's this dose of uncertainty... what if I go down to be prayed for, then my friend sees me not fully healed yet... then how??? :P

But decided, well, I trust God to heal me completely in His time, and in any case, if the Lord doesn't heal me today, I can explain to my friend all the same. The more important healing that God wants to accomplish in every one of us is the healing of the soul, the mind and the emotions. 'Cos this body will one day die and be turned back into dust... but the soul will last for all eternity, with a brand-new body to boot! :) (Of course, I absolutely believe in miracles - the Resurrection is the greatest of them all, and I've witnessed God working wonderful miracles happen with my own eyes and ears, both to me and to other brothers and sisters, so many times that I know there is a God who is not only real, but POWERFUL! Yes and Amen!)

So, anyway, I prayed, asking God to help me invite, and did my best to invite, but my friends couldn't make it. Then... the night before the combined CG (with the healing session), a long-lost contact suddenly MSNed me out of the blue! He asked me whether I'd like to go cycling with him. Was very puzzled, because I was wondering how come he suddenly so friendly. So I replied, "Hmm... you're not gonna sell me insurance ha? LOL..." He said, "No, I'm not one of those superficial friends who do that kind of thing... just want to go cycling..."

Chatted with him some more and found out that his health hasn't been good for the past TWO years, especially his insomnia. Whoa! So invited him for the healing session, and he came down! :) And after Sijia and I prayed for him, the next day, he messaged the two of us saying:

Hey juz 2 let u know i did sleep better last nite, not sure if it's due 2 e session.. Will monitor e situation :)

So I asked him how long he managed to sleep. He said that the previous few days he had been sleeping 3 hours, but yesterday he managed to sleep 5 hours. Amazing. Must be the power of God at work.

Haha... praying for him to be touched by God's love and grace and truth... =)

Ok! Very long haha. But God is good, all the time! All the time, God is good! :)