Hmm. Very tired now. And actually, the camp time was a stressful time for me, especially when trying to support Huaqiang and Sharon in helping take care of the CG. Felt super-inadequate, and very frustrated with my weaknesses. And to be honest, very drained and discouraged at the end of the camp. But thank God so much for Peter. Really encouraged by his listening ear and encouragement and wise advice. One piece of advice, among the various pieces of advice that he gave me, was that "men will fail me, but God never will." :) And also, he reminded me of one of the sermons that Ps Jeff shared today (paraphrased): "When you're going through a valley experience, God has put you there for a purpose - to share with your fellow valley-dwellers!"

And also, "God has never stopped believing in you." (Couldn't help but tear when I heard those words... I know that God is assuring me that He will not leave me or forsake me, even though the road now is harder, the valley deeper this time round. Now I see how important that period of darkness in the uni ministry was in training my spiritual growth and closeness to God... and how God delivered me, blessed me so abundantly after that period of sadness, and wow, chose to use me to touch many people's lives there, especially through encouraging and guiding them.

Hee. Think it's in difficult and dry times like these that I have to purposely recall and recount the blessings that God has done for me before. Because, from what I understand from Psalm 84:5-7, as we pass through the Valley of Weeping (or is it Dryness?), we make the valley a place of springs, and God will also supply the autumn rains to water the dry valley.

Psalm 84:5-7 (NIV)

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.

(NLT)

What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord,
who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.
When they walk through the Valley of Weeping,
it will become a place of refreshing springs.
The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.
They will continue to grow stronger,
and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.

I remember something that HQ told me when I just entered the Adults ministry... he told me that he heard a lot of good things about me back from the uni ministry (think part of the good things was how I supported and encouraged my leaders and fellow members)... so was very touched by that affirmation. Now I think that piece of affirmation was there, with the help of this Bible passage, to exhort me that just as I have done my part to help water the dry part of the Uni ministry that I walked through... now likewise God wants me to do my part again to help water the dry part of the Adults ministry that I am now walking through. But I'm not alone in this... because my other brothers and sisters are also being used by God to make a difference too in their sections that God has assigned them! :) Together we can do it, for God is with us! :D

*******
Oh! Read Ps Jeff's blog post, "Dying to Self", and this bible commentary on Psalm 84... thinking about it... yes, God wants me to die to myself indeed.

From Ps Jeff's blog post:

For the past few days, the whole idea of dying to oneself in order to produce more for God has been ringing loudly in my heart.

Jesus talked about himself in John’s gospel. He was talking about his death and how it would bring blessing and salvation to the entire human kind.

John 12:24
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.

[...]

The seed has a layer of husk that seeks to protect itself. However, unless the husk is broken, it cannot produce many more seeds.

The husk can be liken to our own rights, our own desires and our own preferences. These are not necessarily bad things. In fact, they can be very good things. Like the husk to the seed, these can be things that seek to safe guard our own interest and well being.

But often times, we need to learn to surrender our rights, preferences and desires before God in order to do more for God. The root issue is trust. Do we really trust that God can and will take better care of us than we are able to do so for ourselves? Can we really entrust our all to God? Is he really completely faithful and trustworthy? Can I really take His words as it is?

These are some soul searching questions that you and I need to have answers for ourselves. May we all become better imitators of the one whose name we bear!

From "The Valley of Baca" (condensed):

I. The BLESSING that David pronounces upon the man whose strength is in God. "Blessed is the man whose strength is in you." But where shall we find that man? Where are we to look for him? In what corner does he dwell? I am bold to say, that no man ever had his strength in God until he had lost all his own.

Two distinct things must therefore meet in my heart, under the Spirit's secret operations, before I can come in for any share of this blessing. I must, first, by a work of grace upon my soul be weakened; as we read, "He weakened my strength in the way." "He brought down their heart with labor; they fell down, and there was none to help." I must be weakened by being experimentally taught that all my natural strength in divine things is but impotency and helplessness. And how can I learn this, but through a series of trials?

But there is another requisite. It is not sufficient for me to know my poverty, my ruin, my wretchedness; I must have something more than this revealed in my heart. I must have another lesson unfolded to my soul by the power of God the Spirit. I must learn this sacred truth, "I have laid help upon One that is mighty." I must be taught to say, "God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever." I must know what the Lord Jesus so sweetly unfolded to the Apostle Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you; for my strength is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9.)

Have you found out these two things in your heart? How many years have some here made a profession, have come to hear the truth preached, have approved of the testimony of God's servants, and have read the writings of gracious men! But have you learned these two lessons yet? first, creature weakness, helplessness, and hopelessness; to sink down into your miserable self; to be filled with confusion; to have nothing in yourselves but rags and ruin? And then, has the Spirit opened up, brought down into your heart, and unfolded to your soul that precious Mediator between God and man, "the Hope of Israel," the blessed Jesus, whose strength is made perfect in weakness, that on him you may lean, in him you may trust, and upon whom you may rely to bring you safely through all? If you have learned experimentally in your conscience those two lessons—creature weakness and Creator might—the helplessness of man and the power of God—then you come in for the blessing, "Blessed is the man whose strength is in you."