Just came back from David Lee's and Pui See's wedding. So happy to see this wonderful couple of God married! :D

Hee, Shirley was teasing me about my being so happy - haha, yeah it's practically an in-house joke among my bros and sisters abt my desire to get married. RF teases me about it almost every time we meet up. ;)

But actually, to be honest, I think over the years, God has been changing and moulding my heart in this area.

I can remember how desperate last time I was actually... and Zewei was talking with me about it. He mentioned something very true - that if I lack strong relationships with the other brothers, I'll naturally tend to look for it in the sisters.

And how true that is... but so thankful to God over the past few years that He's helped me grow in depth of friendship and brotherhood with my brothers in church, and about having realistic expectations in relationships, etc.

And think one thing that has gradually changed in my heart is this increasing sense of contentment, especially ever since I set my heart on seeking God last year with all my heart. Somehow, the loneliness that plagued me for a long, long time faded away.

And feel so much more contented by the grace of God. Was telling Xinying on the way back home that actually now, think it's come to this stage that I really don't mind NOT getting married at all. It's really really true what the Bible says - He is all I need. Really.

(But I do fear the pressure that I'll face from my parents and relatives - your "straightness" is questioned, heh. "How come you're not interested in girls?!!" "Pa... it's not like that -" "Aiyah... I'm just concerned for you... you know..." "*inner groan from me*")

Oh, just to add: it's not that I'm a misogynist - on the contrary, there are some sisters that I admire more. ;) Ok, MUCH more. Haha... but I'm okay with getting to know them better as friends first. (And incidentally, that's how the godly couples that I've seen get into courtship and marriage started off - they always started off as friends first.) And heh, even among the sisters that I like more, I'm seeing the not-so-sweet side of them, which makes me think a whole lot more whether I can stand the effort needed to bear with these shortcomings. And makes me think about my own shortcomings too.

No wonder a brother said that he doesn't want to get into a relationship at the moment - it's too much trouble. I know what you mean, bro.

I think I have learnt to be contented in this area of my heart regarding this. Because, really, when you've experienced God's love in all its sweetness and fullness, nothing else can ever take its place. I've tasted His goodness... wow, after you've tasted His love in all its fullness, whoa, you realise that there really is no other person who can truly fill your heart with joy like Jesus can do!

Like Shirley put it so funnily, if you've tasted New York pizza, you'll never ever ever want to eat Singaporean pizza again!

"I have come that they may have life and have it to the FULL." Amen!

Hmm. After typing this out, I think I'll be tested in this area, actually. God, give me strength to stay true to You despite the strong heart-tugs and temptations.

Reason I'm jotting all these down is because I heard that there's this friend who left this church to go to another church, and even placed her info on a Christian singles website.

Not that I'm against these kind of singles websites, but I just don't think finding a partner thru these means is as good as actually serving together, rubbing shoulders, seeing the darker and more ugly sides of each other, sharing life and joy and sorrows together as we serve God, wherever we are... honestly, I do believe with all my heart that the best place to find your future life partner is in ministry.

Like what the teaching about priorities in Essence of Love Volume I goes:
Seek your Maker first, then seek your Ministry, then finally seek your Mate.

So it's: Maker, Ministry and Mate, in that order. :) Sweet, eh?

*******
So that moves me on to the next point:
What do I want to do for God with this short life that I have here on earth? In other words, what is God's ministry for me in this life? 'Cos before I 'cheong', I do want to know first which direction to 'cheong' in! :P

Think it's gradually coming to a clearer viewpoint:
Fatherhood ministry? I mean, I love children - this is really a gift from God - despite my shyness with children and struggle to correct or discipline them, I find that God is blessing me in this area.

Plus I have a burden to see the young children grow into strong and biblical young adults who will go on to make an impact for Christ in their lifetimes in their sphere of influences.

And I have a passion for media - which could be used to touch the hearts of future men and fathers...

And fatherhood is something that is very close to God's heart - I mean, He is our FATHER who art in heaven, from whom all FATHERHOOD derives its name!

And this generation and future generations are increasingly becoming fatherless. God's heartbeat aches so much when He sees young ppl growing up without a father (even if they are not orphans...) - He is a Father to the fatherless...

And I do hope one day that I can go overseas for a short-term missions trip, to help reach out to the young children overseas too...

Hmm... and heh, thinking about how God gave me the name "Abraham"... somehow, I do think this is the direction that God may be pointing me as far as I can see from this present moment.

Fatherhood. Hmm. Come to think of it, one good thing is that I don't need to marry of sorts, I think, to be a father figure. Adoption is a possibility... Frankly, if you look at the stats, if it's a single-parent family, think the child would be better off emotionally and mentally with a father rather than a mother - that's the kind of advantage a man has when it comes to taking care. Though of course, it's so much better if it comes to two parents.