Thursday, May 13, 2010

Of Men and (Wo)men: Part I

Came across a sister's blog. She wrote this:
there are 5 things i want to emphasize about:

1) i cannot over emphasize this, but i cant stand men who are ultra..
childish; passive; insecure; stubborn; calculative; impatient; attention seeking; MCP; prideful & playboy.
i hope women can stop giving in to such characteristics of men while thinking that they'll change one day. face it, if you keep giving in to such traits of theirs, they will never change.

2) i also cant stop emphasizing that biblical men should lead biblical women. if women always have to take lead in making decisions, setting biblical standards, etc, God would have made women first than the men. if you feel that you're not leading as a guy, please do sth and stop being passive. if you're a girl and your guy aint leading, please pray and fast whether he's the right one for you.

3) the opposite gender aint your property or person that you own alone. the universe is not just centred between both of you. open your r/s for friends, leaders and family to come in.

4) loving the strengths and admiring inner and outer beauty is important. but whats equally important is that you're accepting and embracing each others' weaknesses and shortcomings too. love aint a bed of roses nor a fairytale. we're all still human.

5) lastly guys, dont explore other girls if you're already in deep exploration with another girl. you'll only be a heartbreaker.

I was thinking abt what she wrote, and well, of course it's impt and helpful. All the pts are very true... esp pt 2. However, I think we gotta look at it from the Bigger Picture: that these pts apply as much to girls as much as guys... (excepting pt 2)... which means that these pts are actually gender-neutral then.

1. I gotta speak up for the bros too, man. It irritates me to see the bros being given short shrift everytime. Somehow the bros seem to have the raw end of the deal. Look, is it always the bros' fault tt they are childish, impatient, passive and insecure, etc. etc.?

Whoa! I see the look of shock on your face. I'll clarify: is it always anyone's fault here? I'll ask you: is the church a hotel for perfect people... or is it a redemptive "repair" facility for those who have come out from darkness into light? Is it the church's role to condemn those who are ignorant? It's the church's role to judge those who deliberately do evil - in that case, "expel the wicked man from among you". But what if we men genuinely do not know what we are doing? In that case, WHO WILL TEACH US?

I mean, when I came in, I really knew nuts abt social maturity, interacting with others, friendship, godliness and all that. I came in with pride and arrogance and immaturity. And I struggled with loneliness for many years, being a social outcast in church, trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and crying out to God for an answer. And the worst part was when a subd leader just wrote this "encouragement": "I hope to see you grow in your r/p with people." That was all he wrote, which, frankly, sucks. The church failed miserably here.

Screw it lah. Thank God for bros who did care. They taught me to see that the Bible calls us to be godly. To be men. To be courageous. And they taught me skills and knowledge and understanding. And most of all, there were a few, a very few truly wise brothers, who actually showed me real grace. THEN the church shone gloriously here. Now, I have the joy of being a shepherd after TEN years. And in turn, I see other bros who also struggle in lostness and ignorance. So, yes, I do carry on the work of teaching and making disciples. BUT THE QUESTION IS: I WANT TO ASK, WHY DID THEY HAVE TO WAIT SO LONG UNTIL SOMEONE CARED ENOUGH TO REALLY DISCIPLE THEM? "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge," God lamented to Hosea.

I rest my case. It is not always the brothers' fault. Or the sisters' fault. Yes, there are people who will not listen. But how about those who have not even gotten the chance to hear? Brothers and sisters, will YOU go and teach us what the Lord wants of us?
"i hope women can stop giving in to such characteristics of men while thinking that they'll change one day. face it, if you keep giving in to such traits of theirs, they will never change."
This one, yes, I agree. It's important. But... I also want to say that this applies to women too. Godliness and character are gender-neutral.

2. All the other points, yes and amen. Still, I want to say that all these apply to the sisters too. In fact, I think sisters are often in danger of being deceived by their emotions and false thinkings more easily than brothers. Remember 2 Cor 11:3 and 1 Tim 2:14! (Man, I am so going to get bombarded for this statement. But yes, correct me if you think I'm wrong or unbalanced. But I'm just speaking my mind here about what I think is true.)

Edited to add:
Ooh. The sister just pointed out to me that it's DEEP exploration. Not surface level. Orrhhh. Sorry, I blur-blur liao.

Anyway, do read Angela's comment reply - it's very good, you should read it and be enlightened. :)


Anonymous said...

Test test... hey it works!

Glad to see u back posting bro :)

Hmm... while I agree that as brothers we need to grow more, neither gender should play the blame game. We all have lotsa different (and yet similar) problems to rectify and grow in.

For (1) of the sister's points, I am firmly convicted of 'better is open rebuke than hidden love'. If we are wrong, if we are childish, if we are exhibiting MCP behaviours, tell us. Highlight to us. Don't roll your eyes at us. But be gentle. We men (duh! pun not intended) are more prideful than women. Break it to us gently. Catch us in private. Don't blast us in front of an entire community. More likely than not, we'll just end up being defensive and even more hurt.

And ladies, usually when a man acts childish, immature, MCP-ish towards you (and only you) it may be that he is interested in you, and there is no other way he can somehow get your attention (don't ask me why we work this way, we just do! we'd rather act negatively to get your attention than not be acknowledged by you at all!)

Just my tots... hey, it's long enough to be a blog post! :p


yeu@nn said...

Wow, great point you made, Robert! Love the way you put it directly. And yes, agree with (most) of what you said.

I think to add on to wat you said, the Lord Jesus himself said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."

Hmm. Maybe we can be gentlemanly, etc... tho I think in my case I tried too hard to be gentlemanly. But well, either way we're screwed so I say forget it lah.

The key thing is what do you (both bros and sisters) REALLY look for? That will actually reveal your heart's true desire. I know one sister who, when I asked her what attracts her to the bro, simply said, well, he's cute and ... smells nice. Ok. I know nice smells are part and parcel of attractiveness, but if _just_ social behaviour / cuteness / humour are your primary attractiveness, then you're rather lacking in your desire for God.

Another thing. If you like church leaders because "they're more spiritually mature", granted, that is generally a valid point. But EVEN then... are you looking for status or are you looking for a servant's heart? Very subtle difference, yes? The same applies to brothers too.

We're all sinners. So let's show more grace to one another, for we are all sons of God thru faith in Christ.