The Quest of the Quest-ions

So that's the whole narrative (read previous post...). Reflecting... I see God's providence. I had decided to wrestle hard with God in prayer, and reading the Bible, and I was so surprised to see how God encouraged me to keep wrestling on. Why wrestling? Because I have my own personal and deep-seated questions that I have been wanting to ask God why for many years already - and for Him to give me an answer.

Sort of like Job asking God for an explanation, and Jacob literally wrestling with God (in human form - some say this was probably the pre-incarnate Christ himself), until God touched and dislocated Jacob's hip. Then He asked him to let him go for it was almost daybreak. But Jacob stubbornly refused, saying, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." And God honoured his request, which was based on a genuine faith in God.

And I think God is affirming me for my decision to take a step of faith. I think He spoke to me through Weizhu, reminding me to struggle with Him, until He says enough, and does a permanent change in me. And my heart's determination is that I want to be permanently touched and changed by God, even if it means I will have to be broken in greater measure.

"Anything for You, my Lord..." do I mean what I sing? Even to the point of death, or forsakeness, or suffering, or loneliness, or pain?

So, yes, was very encouraged by the sister who told me to read Psalm 103... haha... after I had read the very Psalm that she was telling me to read. I think it's a very clear sign from God that He really is with me, even when I can't feel His presence.

:)

And, I think from another thing that she shared with me, I think I now have one answer to some of my most difficult questions that I've been asking God. Whoa. Sort of like a Warcraft quest, where you must find this item, that item, before you can continue with the next part of the quest. That answer is "confidence", the key to one of my questions. (The Question of Relationships. [No, it's not about BGRs... not really.])

And another piece of the puzzle came in later in the day, when I got Hong Teck's SMS to me. Hee... I'll share it here:

Woah! Great vision. Btw I heard from pple in the team what an encouragement you are to your writing team. That's good leadership and vision in action.

(The Question of Leadership.) Was really gob-smacked when I saw that. But I did sense God's anointing come strongly upon me, when leading the team, especially since I'm not a natural leader - not at all. But God's power is made perfect in my weaknesses. :D

I share the SMS, not to boast about myself, but precisely, because those who know me can easily testify that I'm by nature highly indecisive, lack confidence, not very detailed, not extroverted, more of a 'lone-ranger'... but to see this kind of affirmation for my leadership and vision - this can only be of the Lord, and the Lord alone.

Psalm 115:1
Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.

And that encourages me so much. That God, who began a good work in me, will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. I realised that when God looks for a man to rise up to respond to His calling to meet a need, He is more than able to make a leader out of anyone. Anyone. If you have natural leadership strengths, good lah. He wants to use you! But sometimes He can't find any willing leaders... so He picks a nobody with a willing heart to showcase what He can do. And I think the end-glory to God is all the greater. But no excuse for not boning up on what we ourselves are responsible for nurturing. It seems to me that the ways of God are mysterious indeed. Sometimes God calls the most-qualified man to the task; other times He calls the least-qualified man to do His will. Anything, as He pleases! He used the barely-educated Peter; He used the super-educated Paul. He used the stammering Moses; He used the eloquent Aaron. Interesting, huh? :) He can use anything we have to do His will, as long as we don't trust in these things... but trust in the One who gave us these things.