What God Has Been Doing In My Life The Past Fortnight

Wow. These past two weeks have really been like a storm, up and down, up and down.

• Had been struggling with not one, but two, painful emotional hurts simultaneously. It was like fighting a battle on two fronts.
• And the stress of writing and re-writing the manuscript.
• Taking care of my own spiritual life, and others' spiritual lives.
• And preparing praise for caregroup - especially challenging for me, since God knows that I'm musically-challenged.
• Someone in my family wanted to do something that wasn't right in God's eyes. So I was worried.
• My new Lenovo laptop started making weird AND loud noises and even had inexplicable disk errors... my heart stopped beating for one second...
• I seemed to have transferred $300 to the wrong bank account when using the Citibank online banking website for the first time... *sweat sweat*

Had felt increasingly hard-pressed, to the point where I shared with my shepherd that I wanted to take a break for a while. Of course, he was very concerned. But he listened, and understood the struggles that I had been going through and he told me that my feelings were valid, and that it wasn't wrong for me to want to take a break.

Wow. Thank God for Peter. Felt so deeply comforted and understood. And that helped me remember that the Father does understand and care. :)

Jeremiah 15:15
You understand, O LORD; remember me and care for me. Avenge me on my persecutors. You are long-suffering—do not take me away; think of how I suffer reproach for your sake.

Actually, God really helped and blessed me so much during the past two weeks. Through the twin struggles that I went through the past two weeks, thank God that He gently encouraged me to pray. It must have been the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

It was very funny actually. I remember I was tired in so many ways, but I just found a place to sit down and pray. Prayed for a short while, committing these two situations to God, even though I didn't know how He was going to answer or help me.

I prayed, "Father, if this is possible, let this cup be taken away from me. Yet not my will, but Yours be done."

In the days after I had prayed that prayer, somehow whenever I felt like giving up, the Lord gently reminded me from Luke 24:26: "Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?"

First the suffering, then the glory. That was the message that the Lord wanted to remind me. And He also spoke to me from James 1:

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

And this beautiful promise a few verses later:

12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

To be honest, I'm really amazed that I actually made it through stronger and more stable. I didn't even expect to finish this trial - I had actually been quite looking forward to dropping out of this trial that God was allowing me to go through.

But were it not for the prayer for strengthening that I had prayed at the start, and the Word of God daily, and the encouragement of some dear brothers who understood the difficulties...

Now this small and temporary trial is over. I think I've grown more secure and confident in my relationship with God and men. And best of all, I have gotten to know God in a deeper and more intimate knowledge of who He really is in my life. "He must increase, I must decrease." Amen!

And I also see that this kind of trial is actually necessary preparation for some of the things that I hope to be able to do for the Lord next time. But even if nothing else, at least I have gotten to know God in a deeper and more intimate way. Honestly. the Lord really has been so good to a sinner like me. Blessed be His name, both now and forever! Aye-men. :)

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And also thank God for a dear brother's gentle listening ear and exhortation to do the godly thing:

Bro: hope u can forgive ( ) for the way he/she treated you...
me: i've already forgiven him/her. God gave me the strength to do so
Bro: amen!

It wasn't easy, but God increased my heart. No doubt praying for this dear friend who hurt me deeply really helped a lot. And somehow God changed the anger and bitterness in my heart into a heart of gentleness and compassion. "Father, forgive him/her for he/she doesn't know what he/she is doing."

Gosh. It's only with God's love and grace that I am able to love like Him. So humbling, but so delightful. Like what Mother Teresa said, I am only a little pencil through which God is writing a love letter to the world. I love that quote!

I'm only a little pencil. :) He will sharpen me, He will hold me and He will push me. And the more I am hard-pressed, the deeper and bolder my impact becomes. And yet... I will decrease and decrease, till one day I shall pass away. And yet, the more I die, the more I really live. Like the etches a pencil leaves behind on a piece of paper.

And yet, in the end, it's not about me at all, but the Author who is writing. He could choose anyone else... in fact, the one recorded time that He wrote, He used nothing but a finger on the sandy ground.

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Not just so. God also blessed me very much through my dear sheep. Had actually been trying to prepare a teaching for him when we were meeting up, but I was still trying to stop dwelling on something. But thank God. He helped me snap out of my "stall" mode. And I felt very refreshed by Jon and his crazy jokes. Yeah. His jokes have been getting more powerful. Must be God working in him haha...

Interestingly enough, while I was about to give him the teaching that I had prepared... suddenly, I had this thought come into my mind to change the topic to a more relevant topic at hand. I think it may have been the Holy Spirit's prompting me to change topics. I wondered and asked Him, "Uh, Lord? I change topic to another one? But I never prepare leh..."

But I think God reminded me that He will give me the necessary words to speak. Wah. And surprised by how all the relevant Bible verses started popping into my mind at the right times. Truly, the Lord is Jonathan's shepherd! I'm simply a clay jar through whom He chose to operate through. Aye-men.



I was also super-encouraged by something that he wrote... wow... this is really God's grace at work within his life. And for his sweet spirit, even when I scolded him... gosh. I have to learn from my sheep in this area too! :)


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Also, thank God, for some reason, He comforted me in my work. My colleagues really blessed me in small ways, like helping fill up a container with my favourite biscuits (since they know that I'm the resident "Cookie Monster" in the office)... this is totally an unexpected blessing... so reminded that I really gotta keep my colleagues in prayer for their salvations too...


And oh yes, Ps Jo's sermon on Psalm 23:5... about the Shepherd who heals our hurts. GOSH. That sermon was SO SO SO timely and ministering... and it was so much through that sermon that I really received from God... it was a very clear sign that God really let all these things come into my life at that particular timing.


And I think He is already healing my hurts AND restoring what was broken... totally the grace and mercy of God my Saviour... He didn't just heal, but He also restores... wow.


And He also blessed me so much with Andrew's friendship. I'm very touched by his sincerity - not relating as a leader, but relating simply as a brother... I was touched that he actually took the initiative to bless me. And all I can offer him is my friendship and prayer... yet he actually appreciate such small things. Wow. God is good indeed.


God really has been blessing me with more friendships with the brothers since last year and this year... I really pray that we men in the church can continue to develop and grow covenantal friendships in Christ. To help one another become men of God after His own heart! To be M.A.C.H.O. = Men Always Chasing Holy Objectives! Haha... And to be a Band of Brothers. Exciting indeed!


And I'm so amazed. Though I am less than the least of all God's people, and really am less than the least of all men... yet God is choosing and calling even a worm like me to come join Him to make an impact in this generation to make fishers of men... disciples... world-changers for Jesus Christ! So fantastic.


=D More exciting things are coming up already... God is good, all the time! Through the darkest night, His light will shine! Aye-men!