But in the course of looking into all these comments, I've realised that you don't have to necessarily accept all these comments (unless it's from God himself haha). Rather, we have to weight the quality of these comments by the various strengths of the people who make these comments.
Thus, for some people, they aren't concerned about details, but are able to see the very big picture of things. Thus, they're better for asking about how does the overall 'feel' of the plot feel, or whether the overall objective is being achieved.
Yet others are very sharp with details. They'll give you feedback about the language, the style, the grammar...
And others may be very encouraging, with good (and slightly vague) comments. These people are the ones you need to motivate you when you're feeling down.
Yet others are very analytical. Whether the plot flows smoothly. Flowing smoothly is different from flowing to the intended destination.
And others are just plain creative. Throwing in ideas here and there.
All these comments have to be assessed by the qualities of the people making these comments. Never ever assume that a strong, confident and assertive tone of a comment means that it is always accurate. They may be sincerely wrong.
For example, last time I had this skin problem. I had this very assertive brother in my CG who took one look at my skin, and said that he was very certain that it was fungi.
I was stunned. I asked him, "Are you sure?" He replied, "Yes, I'm very certain."
So I went to the doctor and told him my friend's diagnosis. He looked at my skin, and asked me with a skeptical look on his face, "Is your friend a doctor?"
"Err... no."
He smiled, and said, "Well, I don't think so, but just to be sure, let's do some tests."
So we did the tests, and the doctor came back with the results. "It's not fungi. It's just __________."
I was relieved. And quite angry actually with the brother who had been so confident.
But it made me think. How often are we so confident in diagnosising the spiritual issues of the people under our care? Sometimes we think they are rebellious, when they are actually just confused about what you mean.
To be honest, I, along with other leaders, have sometimes discussed about the people under our care. And one favourite phrase that we sometimes use is: "We need to find the root issue in that person's heart/life," as if it were as simple as that.
But often, growth in a person's life is almost always not so simple as that. There might be a root issue, yes... or there might be several little issues that all combine to cause the person to be like this or that... or it's simply pure ignorance on the person's part.
We need to be more careful in our diagnosis of what we think is wrong with the person we are counselling / taking care of. Not to say that we cannot make a diagnosis, but we need to be humble and careful as well. Personally, I think it is essential to understand where a person is coming from first, before one can administer the "medicine". Else you risk turning off the person by insisting that the person needs chemotherapy, when maybe all he/she needs is just a healthy diet with a good deal of rest. But of course, the opposite may also be true.
So it's not easy, but it's important, to pray as well for spiritual discernment. Pure intuition and pure observation, both aren't reliable. For it says in Isaiah 11 of Jesus Christ the Great Shepherd:
1 A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse;We need to partner with the Holy Spirit if we want to effectively shepherd the people under our care.
from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.
2 The Spirit of the LORD will rest on him—
the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and of power,
the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD -
3 and he will delight in the fear of the LORD.
He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes,
or decide by what he hears with his ears;
4 but with righteousness he will judge the needy,
with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth.
He will strike the earth with the rod of his mouth;
with the breath of his lips he will slay the wicked.
Recently, I was sharing about an emotional issue with my shepherd. We shared, and Peter gave me feedback. But somehow, I felt that the feedback he gave me, while excellent, wasn't addressing the correct issue. So I told him I didn't really think that was the correct issue he was addressing. And he thought for a while, and said, "Yes, you're right. I think I totally missed the point."
I was so surprised. And very touched by his humility. Gosh. I told him, "No bro, don't worry, the feedback you gave me is very good." He still said, "Well, but the fact is that I totally missed the point you were trying to make."
Oh boy. I felt so touched. =) Really thank God for this dear brother's humility and gentleness. And that's something to consider... that we aren't to lord it over those entrusted to us, but to set an example for us. (1 Peter 5:3)
Which was a very big contrast to another experience a few years ago, when I was with one leader, who had met up with me to counsel me as I was struggling with a lot of issues then. (Haha thank God those issues are resolved already now so don't worry...) I shared with him about my issues, and then he gave me feedback. But I still felt that the feedback didn't quite answer my issues, and said so. He became angry and rebuked me, telling me to just accept what he said.
I do respect this brother all the same, and no, I'm not bitter at all - in fact, a lot of the things he said is very true. And I did act upon his advice to just accept what my leaders told me.
But over the years, I've come to realised that there must be a healthy balance, when it comes to accepting input from our leaders in church, or in the workplace or wherever else. All the inputs and teachings that we get are to ultimately be measured up against the Word of God. Only the written Word of God is safe enough to just accept as it is. It is pure spiritual milk that we can count on. No melamine. :) All the rest is to be measured against the Bible, for they are from imperfect people.
Don't blindly accept, but don't blindly argue. As it says in 1 Thessalonians 5:19-22, Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil. Test everything. =)
I'm thankful that God invites us to come and reason with Him. And that He actually let us debate and discuss and even argue with him, like how Abraham, Moses, Gideon and Job did... but they argued with the attitude that they knew that God is the One who is absolutely correct, but they themselves didn't understand.
I guess learning to discuss and debate, to ask good questions, is to help ourselves draw nearer to the path of truth. Not to ask questions for the "ideal" of being seen as an inquiring learner (like how Paul described the false teachers in 2 Timothy 3:7, "...always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth."), but to actually want to find out the truth for themselves. That, I think, shows a noble heart, wanting to see the truth for themselves, like how the Bereans eagerly searched the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul told them was true.
And, so, our faith will be strengthened by the questions that we ask God Himself, with a heart to listen to what He says. But He may answer in ways that we didn't expect. Like how He answered Job's questions with a list of unanswerable questions: "Brace yourself like a man; I will question you and you shall answer Me."
There was a disciple who asked his rabbi: "Rabbi, why do you keep on asking us so many questions?" And the rabbi instantly replied, "So what's wrong with a question?"
:) Haha...
Hmm. I guess this post was triggered off by someone's comments on the story I wrote. This friend was very direct and rather blunt, so I did feel a bit intimidated. But yes, the comments are good... very good... and I shall keep them in consideration. Because there are other comments that present an equally valid and good perspective.
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