Friday, November 26, 2010

Thoughts Before Cambodia

Sitting in a cafe again! Haha. Preparing for Cambodia trip. Met Sandra for lunch. Good time of chatting and sharing our lives. Shared that I felt excited. =) I had exclaimed: "Imagine! Tomorrow I'll be in Cambodia! Can barely believe it." =)

Anyway, now pondering about what God may be speaking to me the past few weeks.

I guess I feel like I'm living the life of a tentmaker...

- Doing part-time work to support myself and pay off my debts and save up for missions.

- Writing, so that I can not only bless children creatively, but also as a future potential steady source of revenue.

- Thinking and meditating on God's Word, especially Ephesians... and about doing His will.

- Learning to grow in lowliness of mind - i.e. humility... and gentleness, patience, kindness, goodness and so on.

- To prepare for Ecuador trip in 2012, if it is the Lord's will.

I was asking God just now what did He want to teach me through the past two weeks' experiences. But I think He replied, "Not so much teach you, as know Me and my way. I'm not so much telling you to be this or that, as for you to know ME more." Logical. Because if He wants me to mimic Him more... well, I must know His ways more! :)

Cambodia trip. Ha... I wonder how things will go. Prayed in the morning. I think the outreach drama portion may get axed. Initially felt a little disappointment, but reminded myself that I am simply a servant of the Lord. So, to practice lowliness of mind. And as always, a successful missions trip is not whether our plans succeed, but whether we saw God's hands at work there. Amen? :)

I was reading in my Bible during quiet time today, that the kingdom of God is like a mustard seed. Like yeast in bread. Small, but spreading and growing. God's ways are not our ways. Much higher and better. =)

But above all these, is to know God and love Him more. To love people more. God doesn't care so much about what I do, as the heart behind it all. And what I am to Him. Am I humble enough to do His will, even if it means being the last and least of all? My heart struggles so much in this area. I fear dying to self. But I know I must. If not, then I haven't really started to live.

Shall end off with this beautiful story that I read before. Some missionaries were going to a very dangerous country. Their friends asked them, "Aren't you afraid of dying there?" The missionaries simply replied: "We already died before we went."


Amen. Let it be so, with my life, unto Thee. In Jesus' name, Amen.

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