Friday, November 12, 2010


A difficult conversation today. Felt unsettled and uneasy and unsure what to do next. Trying to think soundly while emotional, which is about as easy for me as flying a kite in a hurricane. :) But thank God for His mercy and grace. Prayed, and did my best as I knew how. Always a learning process - and that God doesn't condemn nor judge me. But He guides me and teaches me the way that I should go, when I stray. But also He comforts me when my conscience troubles me.

=) Thank You Jesus, for forgiving me all my sins - past, present and future. That You do not condemn me, but constantly encourage me - this wows my heart so much, because I know I totally do not deserve to be called Your son, let alone receive Your encouragement. And yet... You still run out to embrace me. =')

Such a joy in the midst of knowing my own failures and character flaws, that there's always one place that I can run to when I fail - and that is His big everlasting arms.

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." :)

Thank God for a certain sister, who really sets an example for me in terms of grace and humility. Blessed by her message yesterday morning, apologizing if she has been a bit harsh/distracted/impatient. That she is trying her best to be kind to others as well... and asking me to let her know if I think that she is sinning against me. She sets an example for me in humility... and dare I say: a heart that seeks to live righteously for God. Thanks, dear sis, for your humble heart that encourages me!

Hmm. Anyway, I write from my feelings. And feelings are very shaky foundations when it comes to determining what is true. So that's why I want to always align my feelings and thoughts to make them obedient to God's Word. Because honestly, only God's Word is reliable enough to build my life upon.

Gee. Hmm... I think the most edifying rebukes for me are not those who told me outright that I'm wrong and so on. But the best and most beautiful rebukes came from those who knew they also struggled as fellow sinners, and from their vantage point of brokenness, rebuked / corrected / scolded me. And I was touched because of their gentle hearts - not judgemental, but gracious. That they stood in the same mud as me... just that they told me to get up and stop wallowing in the mud.

"I may be in the same mud as you... but that doesn't mean that you have to LIE down in it. Stand up and keep moving on! And you are not alone! I will help carry your burden too, so that you can get up from where you are. Brother! We are in the same mud, so let's go forward together till we overcome in Jesus' name!"

:) Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. To paraphrase the psalmist: "Let a righteous man strike me, it is a blessing. I will not refuse it; it is like oil on my head." Thank God for the righteous men and women God has put into my life.

Ok... I repent about whatever is true. Need to die to self! :) Will get up from the mud and with God's help, strive to be kinder and more gracious and gentler, no matter the circumstances. I'm after all a slave of Christ. I am not my own but I have been bought at a price. Yup! :) Thank You Jesus for forgiving me my sins! That You will help me become fully what You wanted me to be all along. That You have not left me alone. :)

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