Last night, when I shared with my CG abt my learning to trust God with regards to finding the sister tt God has in mind for me, my two sisters, Sandra & Deborah, asked me what my top criteria were. Told them what Ps Michael had shared with me before: Character, Chemistry & Compatibility.
They continued looking at me. I looked back at them, and said, "Yah, that's it."
Sandra giggled and asked, "Yes, and what about character?" She opened her arms wide. "It's such a BROAD criteria!"
Deborah added, "If you have clear criteria and know clearly what you look for, then God will be able to bless you and know what you really want!"
I paused, digesting their remarks. I think though I don't totally agree with all of Deb's remark, I see the general validity of what she was saying.
Sandra, being ever sympathetic, saw my being stuck for words, laughed and said, "It's ok, Yeu Ann. Just think further & you can share more with us next time!"
Hee. Thank God for these two 'kaypoh' sisters! Blessed! So I've thought through and... here's my extended criteria in full 3D glory.
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Character
Traits that I especially look for:
- Compassion
- Kindness
- Humility
- Gentleness
- Patience
- Real & sincere
- Loves & fears God, wanting to honour Him in every area of her life
- Outward-looking: constantly on the lookout to see what needs others may have so that can bless them in Jesus' name.
- Fully committed to daily ensure that she doesn't just have strong principles - but that she is fully committed to realigning her mindset, her moral values and her belief system to nothing less than the very Word of God. There are already too many people who are strongly principled - but their own syncretic principles of worldly values and Godly values. Even the Nazis had strong principles! What we need are people who will pray constantly, "Father, help me know You as You TRULY are, not what I think You are."
Chemistry
- Can share about and express our feelings deeply
- Able to intuitively guess others' feelings accurately
- Enjoys lame jokes and can laugh a lot
- Smiles often! :)
- Have passion for good stories, especially people stories
- Love sharing about books / poems / dramas
- Able to appreciate deeply a good quote / thought-provoking phrase
- Whom I can make her feel happy and able to make her laugh constantly
- Whom I can comfort and console in times of sadness, and encourage in times of distress
- Who is naturally sentimental -- i.e. little sentimental things for her daily
- Whom I can be naturally crazy & dramatic with :)
Compatibility of vision (characteristics that make us able to complement one another effectively in ministry & God's callings upon our lives)
HEART
- Heart to serve and give to the poor n lonely
- Heart to intentionally disciple the next generation
- Heart to support missions work all over the world
- Heart to counsel & heal the wounded & broken-hearted & encourage the timid
SOUL (including FEELINGS)
- Able to serve as an intercessory prayer partner
- Able to teach well
- Able to identify emotions accurately in others and understand where they actually come from, not just their words
MIND
- Able to stay calm, detailed & objective when under heavy pressure
- Able to help me think logically & systematically through decisions, especially suggesting options that I have not thought of
STRENGTH
- Able to connect with other people easily and make them feel welcome (hospitable)
- Able to suggest practical ways to meet others' needs
- Able to explain simply yet effectively abstract concepts in such a way that young kids can understand
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Personally, I told S & D that I'd pretty much given up on criteria, because how can you tell who will fit your criteria? I explained that I want to fit my criteria to what GOD wants. I said to them: "I want to want what God wants." I guess, to say it even more precisely, I want to want what God wants me to want! :) Shered with them that it's been a journey of discovery for me. The quest to find out as clearly as possible what God's will really is with regards to finding a spouse.
Still, I do see the value of setting criteria. Not as a way of getting God to bless us according to our specifications, but to help us see for ourselves more clearly what we REALLY want in a spouse.
And writing these criteria down will help us - and those around us - see where our true desires really want -- to see how closely aligned our desires are with God's desires.
Thank God Proverbs has already given me very practical advice in what to look for in a future wife. Character is the first thing.
Hee. :) Hope you find this post interesting... God bless you!
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