Thursday, November 4, 2010

Sweet Sleep

Things have been surprisingly busy for me, considering that I'm not working for any company now - 'self-employed' as a writer is my new official occupation.

Wrrrrriter. Feel that word roll off your tongue and savour the sweet taste of being considered as one of the Creative Ones. LOL. I told the brothers & sisters whom I pray together with every month for Japan that I work as a children's book writer, and they all went, 'Whoa...' :)

Yes, it is pretty nifty. But it is pretty tight on the pocket! Thank God Wan Yueh, who's in the same CG as me, has a neighbor who blesses her with lots of bread often. So she gives me free loaves from time to time. I joke with her about her 'giving us today our fail bread'. But really, God does give me today my daily bread - literally! It's amazing how God can provide. Not just plain bread - I get flavored bread too! :))) flavor for this week is corn. Last week it was corn too. So my bread has been corn-again. (Ok you may groan now.) Sorry lah... could be worse. Like how eating dried grapes in loaves can resurrect you because you have raisin from the bread. (Oh, I am so dead now...)

Hee. But more seriously, I guess I've been struggling with time management. It's not easy for me, and though I'd love to do an all-nighter to complete the Great Singaporean Book, I realize my body won't be able to take it well. Part-time work, ministry too and with the upcoming missions trip to Cambodia, things are loading up.

So I've been feeling dryer in recent days. Finding it harder to still my soul, because I fear, to be honest, the call of the night, when I have to confront my inner insecurities, inadequacies and leftover things to clear. But I tend to procrastinate as well.

So I've been finding it hard to sleep restfully actually. I toss and turn, trying to get myself to sleep. Then I try praying for help to fall asleep. But still too many thoughts flood my minds. And so I decide to just get up and surf Wikipedia till sleep overcomes me.

But that isn't healthy as inevitably I wake up very late the next day, and I awake with a sucky feeling of having wasted half the morning. And quiet time gets short shrift as I drag myself out of bed to rush bleary-eyed into the new battle of the new day. And the weariness in my soul grows. Wiki-orgy. It's my nightcap, and might increase my IQ a few points, but at what cost? And greater dangers beckon if one stays too long online, if you know what I mean. (I use the X3Watch accountability software to protect myself just in case.)

But thanks be to God. That He knows and understands... and calls me to Himself. I pray in semi-random spurts and pants through the day. And then this verse from the Psalm tells me: As the deer pants for streams of water...

So tonight, I sit down on my bed, and breathe the clean night air. I'm writing all these down, because... I prayed just now, telling God about all my outstanding stuff that I need to clear. And somehow, within a few minutes I felt that sweet peace that surpasses all understanding calming the worries in my soul. It really felt like God was resting my soul. Actually I believe He is. :) And... I know I could simply fall asleep peacefully right now. "Everything's all right / I've got Jesus with me" That song is so true. He grants sleep to those He loves. :)

So why haven't I slept yet? Because I wanted to thank God for His love and grace and mercy to me before I procrastinate. :) Going to sleep now. Goodnight... and God bless you. :)

Yeu Ann

Sent from my iPhone

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