Balance

Now sitting back here in E1A, trying to finish up one of my freelance projects. Stressed.

And thinking too, taking a quick stock-check of the past 3 or 4 months of my life.

Just feeling quite... not sure how to put it.

But I guess the biggest question lies here: Am I being faithful to God in what I'm doing at the moment? Very soon I'll be starting work - it's now only a matter of which offer I choose.

But another question that is in my mind - with a dose of guilt - is that perhaps I could have spent more time meeting up with my dear bros and sisters in Adults.

Something that a dear bro said to me when I asked to meet him up for lunch this week, besides saying yes, was: "Not much chance [to meet up] once you start work. :)"

And it just struck me suddenly. Adults life is already so hard to build relationships - and in all my free time looking for jobs, one thing that I think I really could have done more is to spend more time with the brothers and sisters in my current ministry, the current station of life that God has called me to be in.

And I'm being disobedient to Him by not following Him fully - I have chosen to stay in my comfort zone, going back to fellowship with the bros and sisters in NUS ministry. It WAS good, no doubt about it... but was it the place that He wanted me to be there? For the past 4 years, yes He wanted me to be there, and through the ups and downs, I'm glad I've stayed true to Him through it all, by His grace.

But now, I am not in the place that He wants me to be. No wonder I feel this vague sense of disappointment in my heart - an aching emptiness, that something is not as it should be.

"If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow Me. What good is it if a man gains the whole world, but loses his soul?"

I am not ministering to my bros and sisters in Adults as fully as He wants me to.

Hmm... "I am not ministering"... I'm not sure if it's a good thing to be thinking that thought. Perhaps I do need to receive from God first before I can give. But yeah, one thing that I have experienced is that when I choose to minister to others because of Jesus, I feel His pleasure deep, deep down in my heart, and it's a true joy that no one can ever take away.

Shirley was right. It's not healthy for me to stay in this comfort zone anymore. :) Even though I know I'm more than welcome back to visit the NUS people... it's not whether this or that person says it's ok that counts so much rather as where God wants me to be right now.

As Paul told a king the reason why he went so far and through so much just to bring the gospel to Rome: "So then, King Agrippa, I was not disobedient to the vision from heaven..."

So Lord I'm stepping out
Of the comfort zone
Letting go of me
Holding on to You...

Ah. Just feel better after writing this. Haha... maybe it's more of a matter of balance. And oh yeah, after meeting up with Huaqiang for lunch, think I have a clearer idea where to go to from here in helping build up this Adults ministry.

Think in the end, it's a matter of being whole-hearted in whatever God has called me to do, whether it's work or family or ministry or personal walk, etc. A matter of having the right priorities.

Hee. Maybe I'll summarise here:
What I learnt from my WFL: A Balanced Church = Biblical balance is having everything in the right proportions. Not equal proportions, but the right proportions.

Lord, help me grow in knowledge of what are the right proportions... It's still something I haven't grown much in yet in this area (after so long...). But I know that You'll help me out with this. :D Thanks Lord! In Jesus' most precious name, Amen!