Gee. I was thinking after my meetup with Peter today. Because I asked him what areas I need to grow in.
Peter told me. One area of course is handling my emotions and expectations. And well, I was thinking about it. But Peter reminded me not to be worried. I told him by nature I'm an emotional person. He simply said with a smile: "Pray."
:)
I really really do need to live the Word of God with deeper conviction in my life. Just feel a desperate longing in my heart to be more like Jesus. Waaah. God knows that I am SO not the person that He wants me to be... yet He completely accepts me. Wow. :) He's so good. He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. He is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness...
Haiz. Lord, I really feel dissatisfied with myself. I do wish I were a better person, more Christ-like. I admire those who live out their lives according to what the Bible says. Just feel a deep sense of dissatisfaction. But yeah, I remember something... I remember that You chose me, even though I'm so unworthy. You sought me, when I was lost. You think the best of me, even though I epic-fail so many times. :P Let me choose to live a life of godliness, a life of Christ-likeness. A life that loves You and loves people more and more.
And I know I can't do it on my own. But as I seek YOU for who You alone are... not even seeking You to make me a better person... but seeking You because You are Lord, my God... I know You will abide in me, to make it such that I can live the crucified life: "I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live but Christ lives in me..."
Just one thing that I ask... help me obey Your command to love my fellow neighbour as Yourself more and more each day. It's not easy... but well, You hear and will answer prayer. :)
And remind me of why I want to grow more godly... is it because I want people to admire ME? Or is it because I love YOU?
Asked Peter what my strengths were. He enumerated: "Listening, supportiveness and sincerity."
Inwardly, I felt disappointed. Told Peter, "I wish I had more strengths."
"Aiyah! Don't be so anxious. Growing takes time. Anyway, these strengths are very important!"
I frowned anxiously.
He smiled and said, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition..."
And oh yes, I realised that there is one area that I still have old fears in. Ah. I feel glad and grateful actually... 'cos it's yet another area for the Lord to show His redeeming power and glory in! :) So can work in this area here.
Still... am feeling inadequate again. But let these feelings of brokenness and inadequacy draw me even closer in dependence to God as a result. :) And then we'll see what He can do through jars of clay like you and me!
"Not by might, nor by power, but by His Spirit!" :)
Melissa Chen, the hardcore Singapore basher (Part I – Amos Yee)
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Melissa Chen, a Singapore national based in the United States, is a
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4 years ago
4 comments:
ur friend Peter is wise. :) growing indeed takes time, and it takes refinement through the fire for one to be as a precious jewel.
with growth, comes pain and sacrifice. the question is, are you ready for it?
hey bro, keep blogging. I do enjoy reading your blog. :) and thanks for sharing.
Sandy
Hey Sandy! :) Wow, thanks for your kind words. Appreciate them very much. :D
Thanks, tsl. :) I think i understand the angle you're coming from... it's how i choose to respond to the fire of purifying that will determine what i will become.
Hmm, however, to be honest, i think i have to disagree with your second statement... from what I understand so far... it's pain that may produce growth... and no sacrifice comes without pain... first the suffering, then the glory.
Ha. Just how I see it... but if you've a better angle, do feel free to reply! :) We can learn more from one another.
God bless!
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