Gee. I was thinking after my meetup with Peter today. Because I asked him what areas I need to grow in.

Peter told me. One area of course is handling my emotions and expectations. And well, I was thinking about it. But Peter reminded me not to be worried. I told him by nature I'm an emotional person. He simply said with a smile: "Pray."

:)

I really really do need to live the Word of God with deeper conviction in my life. Just feel a desperate longing in my heart to be more like Jesus. Waaah. God knows that I am SO not the person that He wants me to be... yet He completely accepts me. Wow. :) He's so good. He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. He is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness...

Haiz. Lord, I really feel dissatisfied with myself. I do wish I were a better person, more Christ-like. I admire those who live out their lives according to what the Bible says. Just feel a deep sense of dissatisfaction. But yeah, I remember something... I remember that You chose me, even though I'm so unworthy. You sought me, when I was lost. You think the best of me, even though I epic-fail so many times. :P Let me choose to live a life of godliness, a life of Christ-likeness. A life that loves You and loves people more and more.

And I know I can't do it on my own. But as I seek YOU for who You alone are... not even seeking You to make me a better person... but seeking You because You are Lord, my God... I know You will abide in me, to make it such that I can live the crucified life: "I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live but Christ lives in me..."

Just one thing that I ask... help me obey Your command to love my fellow neighbour as Yourself more and more each day. It's not easy... but well, You hear and will answer prayer. :)

And remind me of why I want to grow more godly... is it because I want people to admire ME? Or is it because I love YOU?

---

Asked Peter what my strengths were. He enumerated: "Listening, supportiveness and sincerity."

Inwardly, I felt disappointed. Told Peter, "I wish I had more strengths."

"Aiyah! Don't be so anxious. Growing takes time. Anyway, these strengths are very important!"

I frowned anxiously.

He smiled and said, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition..."

And oh yes, I realised that there is one area that I still have old fears in. Ah. I feel glad and grateful actually... 'cos it's yet another area for the Lord to show His redeeming power and glory in! :) So can work in this area here.

Still... am feeling inadequate again. But let these feelings of brokenness and inadequacy draw me even closer in dependence to God as a result. :) And then we'll see what He can do through jars of clay like you and me!

"Not by might, nor by power, but by His Spirit!" :)