Insults and Sufferings

Romans 15:2b
"The insults of those who insult you have fallen on Me."

Am sitting here just ... thinking about many things today.

But yes, in particular, I'm thinking about some very insulting remarks that I got today. Obviously, I was fuming, and to cut a long story short, I scolded the other person.

But at the same time... I was praying silently too, because I really felt like taking revenge and getting back at the other person. Thank God for His grace, that we can always pray to Him at any time for help to walk right, even when we are steaming hot with anger.

So now the anger's cooling down, and dissipating away. And I was pondering over my temper. I know that I'm generally quite easy-going, but there are moments where you feel so insulted and angry - especially if it's a totally uncalled-for remark, one that is so wrong.

And there is pride too that you have to fight in your heart - the pride that says, "Who is he/she to talk to me like that?" And yet, you also wonder whether you should correct the person on the spot, or remain quiet and avoid further conflict.

I think my case is a unique case, because it's a family thing. Whereas in the outside world, and perhaps even church, you can simply steer away from these conflict zones. But in family, it's well-nigh impossible, because of the sheer proximity. That, and the fact that a "Cold War" is probably worse than a "Hot War". At least in a "Hot War", you're still interacting, if even your anger's driven by unmet expectations - which implies a mutual relationship.

But a Cold War may be worse, because you may be saying to the other person, "I hate you so much that I don't give a damn about your existence." That's the worst one. But of course, there are other motives for a Cold War. Such as playing "hurt, brooding victim" to make the other person feel guilty, so that he/she'll take the initiative to build the bridge back. I know, because I'm guilty of that quite a few times. :P But it's immature to say the least, and puts a great strain on the other party.

*******

So here I am, thinking. It's been quite a cycle at home. Anger, harsh talk, and brooding after that, with a determination not to repeat the cycle again - which lasts till the next cycle.

So I was thinking, do I really want to take the initiative to grow closer to my family? Or am I taking the easy way out, by avoiding conflict, but not bothering to care for them? That's the key thing behind it all - do I want to love them in the first place?

And I think of Jesus... and how he was insulted by his very own people, rejected and crucified. And yet He prayed while dying on the cross, "Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing."

So I've been asking God to change my worldly values in managing anger and resolving conflicts. Because from this cycle of anger, I realised, with the Holy Spirit's help, that I've been living in a very worldly sense.

It's just like what Paul scolded the Corinthian Christians in 1 Corinthians:

"1Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly — mere infants in Christ. 2I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. 3You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men?"

As I've been reading the Bible these few months, I've been realising more and more just how little of my values and convictions are actually based on the Word of God. Of how un-Christlike my life really is.

But hee, I'm not sad - on the contrary, I'm more and more glad as the days go by, because the Bible tells me that the very fact that I realise my spiritual poverty is in itself a wonderful act of God's saving grace - the conviction of my sins by the Holy Spirit! :D I know it sounds stupid, but really, I'm very grateful to God that He is showing me more and more what I really am like without Him, and what I am in Him now, having been redeemed. :)

So I'm praying that He will help transform me by renewing my mind as I input more of the Word of Christ into my heart. Because I really am convinced that the words of Christ really, frankly, are the wisest words ever in the whole history of mankind. If the Wise Men of the East (renowned for their wisdom) bowed down and worshipped the baby Jesus that Christmas, then methinks I better bow down before the Wise Baby too. :)

And... I guess... thinking about how to respond next time... I remember that clip during Holy Comm a few Sunday services ago. How the Korean Christian was being beaten for his faith, and how his faith moved the Japanese officer's heart, and how in the close-up we saw Jesus reaching out to this brother even as the brother was being beaten up... and when the clip zoomed out, we saw Jesus being beaten at the same time by a Roman soldier.

It was so ... deeply moving. And something that struck me too was that I wasn't being persecuted for my faith. But in a sense... Jesus wasn't being persecuted at that time when He was being beaten up. He was simply being beaten up, just because his guards could.

Think there's nothing so hurting than to be the subject of wanton insults and harassment... if it were because you are fighting for something, at least you have the dignity of fighting for a cause, a reason.

But I think the worst kind of suffering is when you are doing nothing wrong, but the other person inflicts insults on you, simply because he/she can. Which looks so meaningless. But I look again at my Lord Jesus, and I know that He fully understands the pain of unjust suffering. Just because He went through it too.

And He still prays today, interceding through His church, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

So I've forgiven the other person today. And when it happens again, I'll remember my Lord Jesus, and pray for strength too.

Because I know that it helps prepare me for even greater challenges, even real persecution next time. Jesus promised that following Him would never be easy, but He did say that it will well be worth it. Like how when you run a half-marathon... the only thing that keeps you going is the thought of your friends and family waiting for you at the finishing line. And Jesus Himself waiting for you there. With a crown of glory for each and every faithful finisher. :)

*******

After praying that prayer, I logged in, and saw this article: The Ultimate Reality: American Teens Experience Persecution In Vietnam

During the trip, says Nettleton, each of the teens had to wrestle with his or her own faith and what it means to follow Christ. The film shows one of the girls saying, “I don’t know if I would keep going to church and keep following Christ if people were sticking a gun in my face and threatening to kill me." At different times during the trip, all of the students had to answer the question: "What would I do?”

That’s really a crucial question for all Christians to ask, Nettleton says, but particularly for these young people, who are at the beginning of their lives and at the beginning of walking with Christ. "It's a powerful and important question and the answer to it can be life changing."

And I also read this BBC article: PNG Aids victims 'buried alive'. This paragraph made my heart ache:

Margaret Marabe, a known local activist in PNG, carried out an awareness campaign in the Tari area of the Southern Highlands earlier this year.

"I saw three people with my own eyes. When they got very sick and people could not look after them, they buried them," she told reporters.

She described how one person called out "mama, mama" as the soil was being shovelled over their head.

Villagers told her that such action was common, she said.

Two articles, both talking about the pain of unjust suffering. But thank God for the church there in PNG. I believe they're doing their best to comfort and rescue as many AIDS victims as possible from their killers.

There's so many things I'm thinking about, but gee, I really want to:
"know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:10-11)

:) Morbid? Maybe. But the mysterious thing is, those who have been through the most intense suffering, more often than not, experience some of the greatest joys ever. =)