Of Procrastination...

Procrastination - something that I think Daddy's convicting me very strongly of in the past few days. I really struggle with procrastination. I know I should do what I promised to do, but I never really get around to doing it. Why? Think one thing that keeps me from moving on is the fear of difficulties, of being tired and of not seeing results the way I want them to be.

But I think You spoke to me through a particular experience today and something that someone said, and also my own conscience, and well, the Bible. The final Word on everything, aMeN.

"How long will you lie there, you sluggard?"
"Lazy hands make a man poor,
but diligent hands bring wealth."

I need to remember what Peter told me about overcoming struggles... "Pray to God. He will help you." (Haha, my shepherd's words are short but wise.)

The experience today... my ex-supervisor was telling me, in a nutshell, that what I've been doing is right (thank God!), but he can only write so much in my testimonial what things I've achieved. It's fair - if I have done much, he'll have lots to write; if I have done little, he'll have little to write. His heart there, I know, is not to pick on me - no way! - but to find as much opportunities to reward me for what I have done.

And it made me think about what Jesus said: "Behold! I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done."

It made me think and reflect back on what I have actually done for God. In a way, it's dangerous to think about this, because it can make one fall into despair, that I've done so little, I'm useless, haven't achieved anything.

Yet, there is the sober realisation that Jesus, who is coming back, will one day ask me, "Yeo Yeu Ann, what have you accomplished with what I have given you?" And He'll be looking to see what He can reward me for.

It's NOT to earn my salvation - never! for He bought my salvation already, but He wants to reward everyone as much as possible, and He is JUST. At the end of my life, there'll be no more bargaining chips, no more time - the deadline is up, the pen is put down, the exam is over.

And yet, there is the other side of the coin to consider. What if I, desiring to do great things for God, go off on the wrong tangent, and get burnt-out? or waste my energies? or get tired and give up?

Then, am thinking, the key to a really fruitful life, one that really bears fruit pleasing to the Lord, is: Obedience.

Obedience to His directions, obedience to His will and obedience to His commands.

Come to think of it, I mean, God has a ton of work for me to do. I should seek Him and ask Him what work does He want to give me? And He'll give me the work that He wants me to do at the right time.

Yet, there's also the heart to just want to do something for Jesus out of sheer gratitude. I think, at the end of it all, Jesus sees the heart... no matter what we've done. I remember the sinful woman who washed Jesus' feet with her perfume. I remember what a dear brother, Shunrong, said to me: "God will forgive me as I try to serve Him." I remember what WZ told me about "The right heart with the wrong actions is better than the wrong heart with the right actions."

I'm still trying to put the pieces together. I'm so thankful to God that He's making clearer and clearer to me His calling for me, and purpose and direction... yet I'm also feeling quite scared actually. The challenges are also becoming clearer and clearer. God, give me strength, peace and most of all, love for You, Jesus, I pray.

Well! Time to stop procrastinating: I'm going to sleep now. Night, Daddy, and help me remember that in the end, this blog must be for an audience of one: YOU! and that is all that really matters.

Love,
YA