Think the 3rd lesson that I learnt from God on love was that we love, because He first loved us. But then, what are some of the ways that I can receive God's love, I was wondering? And think God helped me understand this truth - you don't have to work to receive His love - He already loved us even before the world began. But we need to grow more aware of the many ways that He has been pouring out His expressions of love.
From my last journal entry:
Am now reading this book, "Love Beyond Reason" (thanks Jits!) by John Ortberg:Often those of us on a spiritual journey think of ourselves as searchers. And of course there is a certain truth to this. We ask questions, read books, attend classes, look for truth that often seems elusive. We search for God. The writers of Scripture commend this: "You will seek me, and find me when you seek me with all your heart," God says.
(Oh yes! Lord, this was the very verse that You spoke to me on 1 Sep last year... I still remember it so well!)
But that is not the whole story. I'm not just a searcher. I'm also a hider. You too. We have to come face-to-face with our tendency to hide, to get lost.
Think God is speaking to my heart at this moment, that He is seeking me too, just as much as I'm seeking Him - no! even more than I can bear. Because He knows that at this very moment, I'm trying to already trying to hide from Him. When I want to run away from Him, to hide from His presence, in the fears of my sins... and yet He STILL seeks me out.
When I close my Bible, and open another book, because I'm tired of His words... suddenly I see Him popping out of the words of the other book!
I am stunned - "the LORD was passing by" - and I close the book. I go out and look at the skies - He is still there! I run away into my room, close the door and lie on my bed - He is still there!
I cannot escape the quiet, gentle whisper of His voice - it booms to the depths of my heart - worse, it penetrates and echoes to the very areas that I'm afraid to let Him know. I CANNOT ESCAPE HIM! He still loves me too much, the Hound of Heaven!
Tears are running down my cheeks even as I write this now.
Why do You love me so much, God? WHY??? WHY? why?
Why do You keep on chasing me? When I am afraid of You?
You relentlessly march on after me, majestic in Your stride and humility.
Why do You even bother about me, lousy wretch that I am?
What have I ever done to deserve Your love? Oh God.
Up to now I've pictured You as One sitting on a throne, remote and distant. But even now, I still do find hard to imagine You as One who will come chasing after me. I really don't know this aspect of Your character, O God.
*******
Then found myself breaking into worship, singing "You are the One, You are lovely... You are the One, You are holy..." So I realised there and then that worship is simply a response to God's love. When I find it difficult to worship Him, I must remember God's love for me.
Then wah! I'm so touched... during service, all the songs really touched me a lot... I think You answered all those cries and earnest prayers in my journal... this song came on screen: "You dance over me / When I am unaware / You sing all around me / But I never hear the sound..."
Yes Lord!!! That is EXACTLY what my heart was saying! You know everything about my heart - You know me SO DEEPLY! You are the One who searches hearts and minds...
And You know what was the one defining moment that REALLY REALLY TOUCHED MY HEART SO MUCH? It was the last sentence that Jasmine prayed just before she ended the worship session... "We love, because He first loved us."
Lord, that is the very verse that I was asking You to help me understand...
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
How much You love me...
How deep
How wide
How high
Is Your love for me...
Then went to Ellson's and Mich's bday celebrations... one thing that struck me was how much both of them love others so much... this is something that I die-die want to capture before I leave the NUS ministry!
*******
Yeah, so really am earnestly seeking God to help me grow in love for my family, for my friends, for my CG, for my shepherd, for my leaders... for strangers... for the world! Lord! This heart of mine is not enough - please stretch it bigger! Bigger and bigger! Like Yours! SOOO big!!!!
I just read a blog by this acquaintance... He said that he's got a degree, a job... but there's still something missing in his heart... but You know the truth, I don't really feel much compassion for this guy. But God! that is wrong of me! What is holding me back from making friends with him, reaching out to him more, to help share with him about You who can fill this gaping hole in his heart?
Only my heart, so lacking in love... fill me up today as I set out to obey You! In Jesus' name, aMeN!
No comments:
Post a Comment